June 18th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[. cleansing through cleaning .]

I liked today. I woke up for 9.20 despite three hours of sleep (I attempted to get far more). Ate breakfast. Lounged around in bed reading Callica. Skipped lunch without meaning to, because I simply wasn't hungry and didn't think of it.

Got an email from my parents that shocked me into action, I guess. For a wile I paced around my too-messy room saying, "Frak frak frak!" and gently tugging or tapping my hair. I got my arse into the shower and decided to clean my life starting with my body.

I came back and got ready. I stripped my bed and piled everything on any surface on top of it. Washed down the surfaces with a towel and water, which was all I have since Mary has the cleaning stuff I always use and she's not back until tomorrow. Got my washing together. Went down for tea and ate salad with the gang. It was nice again. Sass ignored me for the most part, but I didn't much care.

All my washing went into one load even with the cover and pillow cases and towels. I hoovered my room, even moving my desk and nightstand and bed to get everywhere. Got my washing upstairs and put away the clothing.

Watched "The Mist" with the gang in Sass' room. Apparently drunken!Sass still likes conversation with me, so there must be some subconscious liking going on up in her head. I laughed so hard at the end of the film because it had been so dramatic and over-acted, and hypothetical situations of death and doom and defeat just amuse me when they're badly done. So while Batgirl and Sass cried and hugged, Matt and I laughed (he had already seen it).

Came back and was a bit zapped by the past, but I appreciate it now. Even if I don't agree, even if it ruffled my feathers, I'm alright. What memories people have of me and my persona shouldn't affect me so much. I felt calmed by Neo online, Becky when I fixed her up and Hayls.

I put away all my stuff. Did up my bed while allowing Ben safe haven in my room away from Matths and Lish having sexy time. Lauren is far less than sober.

My bed is rainbow. Bright, amazingly rainbow everywhere. With a rainbow flag above. I love rainbow so much. I have missed this rainbow!bright duvet cover. I used it all through first term and then seemed to use the blue one through spring and summer. I'm glad to be back to full rainbow. I'll have to remember that for next year.

I'll wake up for breakfast, I'll make myself. I'll pack a bag for Pip's. We're meeting for lunch, I'm bringing her back here to see my room and we're heading off to hers. I'm staying there until Sunday. I considered not going because of cost...but if I'm honest with myself, and I want to be, visiting Pip is the main thing that kept me here in England beyond exams. We've planned it since second week of my our first term. She has been excited all year about bringing me back home and mothering me (somewhat, in a strange equal way) with her brilliant children, whom I absolutely adore. Feeding me. Taking me 'round her neck of the woods. I have been equally excited. And beyond that trip, I can't see myself spending more money. I have no more full weekends for buying a late-night meal. I walk into town when I need to go. No need to buy anything. Working out storage with halls, hopefully, since I charmed the head man into it. The only thing I can see spending money on is getting to London on the bus-thing and that's, what, £14? Not completely terrible...

It's so close.

I don't know how, but after Sunday's rest day, I will work my arse off to find a job. I'll stake out every place nearby. I will have to find something. I have looked up places to look here for when I come back.

I'm going to sleep now, or try. We'll see how it works.

I'm okay. I'm really okay. I probably won't take my computer to Pip's, because I just don't want to be tempted. I want this to be a beautiful connected weekend with some of my favourite people.