June 1st, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[.Half a Decade of Procrastination on One Fictional Woman.]

My Dear Kiwi,

Researching/reading about Minerva McGonagall, an entirely fictional character, is not a prudent use of time in your present situation. You have a revision table that you previously followed admirably. Why are you faltering so now?

You have been doing this since you were 14. Half a decade of procrastination time toward the same character! How much more is there to learn?

I am not telling you to stop. I am telling you to put it off. Do it when revision is through, as even she would insist.

You have one exam left. You can get through this. When you're finished, right Harry Potter fanfiction to your heart's content. Goodness knows the rest of us Kiwiselves ages 14-19 will appreciate it.

[You can even go read through some of your old stories. How do you like the sound of that? Oh, you do? Then do it LATER!]

Sending hugs, Hermione and McGonagall energy,
Kiwi, ex-Ravenclaw, First-Year Uni Student

P.S. When discovering your professor has marked your work and left it in the teaching office, it may be advantageous to put your trousers on right-side-out rather than inside-out. It reduces the confusion, I promise. Also, we must have been a peculiar 14-year-old to obsess over a 70-year-old character. Not that I mind!

l;askjdf;jsdf, ALSO, woman, put your bra on right! You've had breasts since you were 12! It's about time you figured out the mechanisms of your own bra, you silly silly erogenous mammal!

[[Meeting Alex at Harborne when she finishes lecture 5. I'm going to jog there. I hope I did well. It will severely diminish the stress I feel towards tomorrow's exam.]]
  • Current Mood
    anxious Anxious.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[.If I can get through today...]

I am working very hard to not have a panic here.

I am on my last lecture. It's as if I'm just starting my first, my understanding is so little. This is not my subject, he is not my cup-of-tea professor, 9 a.m. is not my time, lasts are not my pleasants, everything is wrong on the precipice of falling into right and I just want my plummet to end, splash into my pool and be content summer splashing. And I don't care about run-on sentences.

I looked up a quote. I went to my email to search for it. I opened an email. It happened to be Mrs. Cav's.

I say, "As the title says. Thinking of you.

Strength for the remaining days of the school year.

I love you.


She says, "If I can make it through today, all will improve. Love you, too.

Thank you,
Mrs. Cav"

It shot a jolt through me. I don't want to get caught up on "this is what we used to have." I want to stay in the peace.

I'm still not happy. I wonder if I'm content. I'm here, though. I know that much. I'm here. And I'll be here tomorrow, for better or for worse, but tomorrow doesn't matter until it's today, until it's now, until it's the moment I'm swimming in.

And it'll be fine. Even if fine is "f@$%&ed, insecure, neurotic, emotional." Because that's fine too.

P.S. Just remembered my hair in this photo was done by her. I didn't know how to French braid my hair and she offered to do it before Spanish. I loved my hair more than ever that day. I was so happy when Laura captured it on film, so to say, so the gesture would not be forgotten. I still remember. It inspired me to teach myself to French braid.

If I can make it through today, all will improve.
  • Current Mood
    surprised Surprised.