April 19th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

So I did it. Smiles. That makes me happy. It isn't a masterpiece, it isn't even particularly good, there's so much wrong with it I pretty much want to hammer it with a dam, but it's done. So that's good.

I didn't eat today. Well, I ate chocolate. Which is bad news. Who goes a day without eating, and just finishes off an Easter egg? Seriously? Wtfery. Unhealthy, idiot move.

I went downstairs twice today. Once for mail and once for water/collecting schoolwork.

But beyond that I was really proud of myself for working through the day. It was slow, sure, but it was working early and smiling and being joyous.

No foetal positions and crying and quick breaths. No "ahhh frak what if?" No "imminent failure ahead!"

Just...working. And not the night before, which is usually the only time I can be not freaking out. So I'm proud about that, really. Super.

I also read some fanfic and worked on a little, between work, to keep me smiling. It was nice.

I had a few thoughts about age groups and they don't make any sense but that doesn't bother me. Age groups? They exist? Ah, right. I'm not in all of them? Oh. I'm not in none of them? Oh. You're sure? Oh. And I progress through them all consecutively, as my Number Of Years In This Life Form increases? Oh. And everyone is in the same age group until they leave it, can't move between? Oh. And people are meant to be friends with people in their age group, are supposed to get along with their age group, feel comfortable, feel stationary but comfortable? Oh. Well. Huh. Strange, alright.

Also recognised that I am a femmeslash snob. Because I have a serious case of Teh Gay, and I try to avoid peen in things I read on the Internet, probably because most of the stuff I read in real life has been infiltrated by Teh Males. And, uhm, apparently I'm sexist, actually. Because I like female stuff and female people and female reading and female lives and female female female.

I like boys. I just don't choose for their presence, it's more an I Accept You're There And You're Cool. And then with time it progresses to You're Cool Let's Hang Out.

Whereas with girls it's a game of capture the flag, a bloodhound on the scent, a phototropic plant seeking light. I seek out the female. I Tolerate and Grow To Love the male. Huh. Weird.

Also, most importantly, I spoke with Pashi today! And it was beautiful! Loffely! Fantastic! I miss my old FUSF buddies. <3. I spoke with Gar as well. I miss my Garshi pair. I miss the units that are Kwigret and Pashwi. And Gashwi, because we are amazing. We get along so well. I hope to see them together again, some day in the future!
  • Current Music
    If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out - Cat Stevens
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

L-ate Night Act-ivities

Last night was weird. I've been going to sleep in good time for the past while. Then last night, I just...couldn't.

And I recognised it went back to all the times in high school and junior high, too. It was my last full true-to-form day of break and I didn't want to give it up, despite that I was more than three hours into the next day. The day is never really over until I go to sleep. Probably why I love all-nighters, it feels so nice to have that it's-all-the-same-day-man feeling.

I was in bed at 3-something, reading. Tried to go to sleep at 3.50. Fail. I sat there and the most common word in my thoughts was "ridiculous."

So then I thought, "No, you know what's ridiculous, Kiwi? You haven't eaten an actual meal in days. You're sitting around dreading what will turn out fine--because it always does--and in the meantime not eating."

I sat up and sighed at sense, because sometimes Sense just isn't what I want. And then I was running down the stairs, thinking, "Well, THERE'S sense out the window again. Why am I downstairs?"

Then I was in the kitchen staring at beans in a pan, reading a book and staring. My brain marvelled at this occurance for a 4 a.m. activity, but it seemed perfectly normal to me. And it is. Because, naturally, I am quite nocturnal.

So I munched. Put things away, back up to sleep. My stomach enjoyed being used properly. I fell asleep.

I woke up unhappy from whatever dream, but I'm OK now. Soon enough time for a shower and then packing (dreaddreaddread) and starting up on the soil seedbank. Can do this. Also, got more L Word icons that will make me happy. Will put them up at some point.
  • Current Music
    You Won't Succeed on Broadway - Spamalot
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

DK (Dear Kiwi):

Sentences like this...

"Last year, during Orthodox Palm Sunday, Israeli police rushed into the church to break up fist fights between dozens of Greek and Armenian worshippers, to be promptly pummelled with palm fronds by feuding worshippers."

...should not make you laugh. But as you are already, go on, have a ball.

LK (Love Kiwi)

In other news, so begins my real day with a shower. And then the terrible P-word that is not "Peeing" (which is terrible enough as it is).

No. Packing. I will soon be consumed by the objects that own me.

E1 - Showered and catered to myself, all clipped nails and pampered hair for going back to uni after a bit of not taking care of myself. So that's good! Debating on putting on Harold and Maude as I pack.
  • Current Music
    With a Little Help from my Friends - Beatles
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.


Malcolm just called me. He's like 10 minutes away. I go back to uni soon, soon so soon.

Only when I first realised, my reaction was "Oh Fuck." Which is not a good sign.

I guess it's 'cause I didn't do any work today, CJ just sent me her soil seedbank beginning (about 500 words) so I can refresh on the method. Which means if I don't get work done tonight it'll be all work for tomorrow and possible all-nighter. I know I'll survive, it's just always a drop-in-the-tummy feeling.

Especially given I'm going to arrive to an empty room that I'll have to set up. So that'll take a bit. And greeting my friends.

But I really do need to work.
  • Current Music
    On the Road to Find Out - Cat Stevens.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

Teh Kwii's Kweh

  • 18:56 Frak. Hit a referencing hiccup. A source disappeared. =[ Distressing and annoying. So close to done! Eghhh.
  • 19:31 Alright, done. Seedbank won't be touched until tomorrow (well, way later today), then. Tomorrow packing and work and recreation.
  • 19:53 Amanda Palmer is beautiful, through and through and through and through, all around and in all the things she does. Blows my mind.
  • 19:56 @createsunspots I also have a crush on Amanda Palmer. Someday we will have to see her together and pet her ukulele.
  • 19:57 @createsunspots Also, Fiona Apple's Shadow Boxer reminds me of you for some reason.
  • 20:10 @createsunspots I think it's mainly the "way to condescend, once my lover, now my friend" part. Haven't given strict attn. to lyrics before.
  • 21:03 So. I've realised it now. I'm a femmeslash snob. I think that means someone has to stab me in the heart with a steak now.
  • 22:13 I am finally going to sleep. Dragging heals because it was the last real day of break. 'morrows last technical day but packing and work.
  • 07:11 @phyrablaze I don't like reading het fics, really. :P Or slash. Femfemfem! And I tend to be a grammar/format snob with it too. Oops!
  • 07:12 @phyrablaze Ohmigods, yes, that soundtrack rocks. Wicked. Nummy, so nummy. I sing it all the time. Especially when cleaning. Inspiration!
  • 07:15 @moebiuscascade I have to pack to get there tonight! Well. Order. Shower - pack - work - wait. Icky on the packy, wants to skip that step!
  • 09:07 Ah, laughter, countries are suffering pirates on all fronts! (I only joke about things that matter, promise.) Wanna dress like a pirate now.
  • 13:26 @thinkingxbeing I am so guilty of that all the time. Which is why I don't really date. Because then I have to reject and feel heartless.
  • 15:23 @circusrunaway Yes. Put it in lipstick and heels, or a tux. Or all of them.
  • 15:58 I get to finish putting my stuff away. Malcolm is 10 minutes away. Holy frak. I'm going back to uni. I didn't work, but...holy frakfrakfrak.
And that's a wrap, folks! Kupokweh!