I woke up late again today. Online. Hawley borrowed my access card, laughter. Went down after. Lunch was terrible. Back up.
I don't really know what I did. Bummed around, was randomly unhappy. Worked a bit. Wrote some. Was invited to watch The Lion King - joined and wrote as I did. Got to 11.5k, which isn't very impressive, but it got my writing quota for the day done at least.
Bickered with Ben but we enjoyed until Lora told us we needed to calm down, and then we got miffed with her because we're both just like that. Went back to my room and complained to Mary about how sometimes I didn't like myself very much. She went psychology major on me and I went off, not needing it.
Joined up again and watched short videos. Worked on Living Cell. Watched Ben and Lora roll cigarettes. It's fascinating to me. Talked about weed while still working.
Worked alone in Lora's room because again they went off somewhere else without telling me. Was disinterested with being in someone else's room alone and came back to mine. Finished typing up some notes and started revising for Chemistry.
Have chatted a bit with different people. Want to finish reading through my Powerpoint booklet and head to sleep. Nervous about Chemistry test tomorrow morning. Don't remember the last time I had a Chemistry test, but betting I cried.
Night night. Busy work day tomorrow. Forcedly. Maybe will go to library of 3sixty to work after lunch.
Can someone please, please get sophomore Kiwi to shut up and stop crying?
Sigh. Little Kiwi, I am trying to have compassion with you, but I am a crankyKiwibeast PMSing with the stress of a test the next morning. My patience does not wished to be tried.
Pat pat, hug. Go find Watsonii or Steele. They'll help you.
Pretty sure I would prefer to wake up in darkness and have some more light in the afternoon.
Then again, I don't remember what it's like to wake up in darkness at a regular time - not my accidental-I'm-awake-because-I'm-sick times.
I don't think I used to like it back in high school when I had to wake up to shower.
And speaking of shower, I don't feel like it this morning. My hair isn't greasy. Hmm hmm, shower or no, or what else...
Already revised for Chemistry. Afraid to look at it again before this morning. I'm-too-school-for-cool Kiwi is telling me to readreadread it, I'm-too-cool-for-school Kiwi is telling me not to, because I've read it through, studied the worksheets, and it's an open book test.
Don't know where she came from. Never had her before, really. Shaya, did you throw here in here?
Gonna listen to her today. Think I'll lighten up my email load or take a nap. Giggle. Maybe breakfast early. They better serve nutella!
So I ended up catching up on some emails and relaxing this morning. Then went down to breakfast and had chocolate on toast. (No, not even nutella. They had Cadbury spread, so I went to the next level.) It was divine.
Walked to chemistry alone and felt strangely calm. Momentarily joked with myself that I had stolen Cavcreature's energy from New England. I went in and sat with Jo. We joked about loads of stuff and had some fun while being nervous.
The first half of lecture flew by except for Spork continuously blowing his nose in a very disgusting way for long periods of time. Just get it over quick, don't try to make it quiet, it just sounds gross! So I sat there literally flinching from that.
Then I started feeling sick when it was time to go down to the lab. I was shivering by the time I got in. People joked that it wasn't that cold and I said it was the test anxiety. They felt bad.
I accidentally started a minute early but no one noticed. Most of the questions seemed find. I hated the one having us choose factors of polar molecules, because the descriptions weren't in the notes or on the worksheets - I would have known, and I searched the entire thing. There were a few others I raised an eyebrow at but I think I did pretty well. I tried my best and went up to the last minute, then took a deep breath.
I grabbed Jo's arm when we went into the room. We had to grab the electronic devices to try putting up the answers in the system. The first attempt was a disaster and Professor Page had us start over. Jo and I just laughed the whole time, because the lot of university students didn't know how to put in one letter answer and hit a green enter button... We joked with Professor Page as well. We finally finished.
By the start of lecture two no one was listening to her. She tried to speak over them. Eventually I started waving my hand all around, her standing just off to my side. When she looked at me and smiled I said, "It worked in high school..." and she laughed. She said, "I don't want to resort to infantile techniques yet. I may be forced to use infantile solutions later!" I told her she should invest in a whistle eventually. She finally caught the class' attention.
I need to go over most of it again because I don't do well with learning on test days, never have. Usually have to go back and look over it all again. I let my friends pass on after class had finished and we were just hanging around. When she was free for a moment I went up and tried to thank her for making class so wonderful and having humour and blahblah. But she couldn't understand me because I was too excited and kept fumbling over my tongue. She laughed and finally understood, then thanked me and said she was probably just as bad with the technology as some of the people were with the answers. I hopped off excitedly.
My friends were waiting for me! We walked off together and they made fun of Professor Page. I stuck up for her. I can understand that one teacher's technique works for some people and not for others - she works for me very well, and I think the humour she brings to class is delightful. She makes it really easy for me to learn. I passed Mark (my personal tutor) on the way while I was jesting about the class' inability to work with the technology. He smiled at me and seemed pleased that I had friends and was being my theatrical self.
Oh, I also flipped out on Spork because by the break between the answer-entry and lecture two he expressed the he apparently disapproved of the fact that I was dancing because I was happy and not sick. When I challenged him he said something about "dignity" and showing too much happiness. So I asked him if it showed "dignity" to mope while being sick, because surely that was taking it to the other extreme - instead of too happy, too down. That surely that was bad as well. He informed me that he wasn't sick. I raised my eyebrow at his blowing his nose all the time and coughing. He mentioned something about just being mellow. I frowned down at him and said, "I am not a mellow person! Don't expect me to be one!"
It really miffed me times ten. That he would rain on my parade for being Too Happy. Excuse ME that I'm happy enough to dance because I don't feel sick about the test anymore. If you so want to pout about and complain about someone's dance, go somewhere else.
I ranted it at Lora/Batgirl and she laughed about my PMS. I did too. I guess people ph34r (fear) me when I get passionately into a conversation, especially if I'm taking an opposite position. Err...uh...oops? But don't stomp on my toes and I won't kick your shins! That simple!
We walked back and had lunch together. I carved a horse into the apple out of displeasure with the food and then stabbed it. Then with a knife. Then with a fork. Ripped it in half. Batgirl played with her food. I captured the Kiwi on her jungle of pasta with a cup and trapped it with half an apple. We walked upstairs and took long showers together. I went in the corner stall, which was strange because I don't use curtains and it doesn't have a door, but it's way off to the side so no one goes there if there's someone in. I sang and took a long shower.
Came back, got into swimming trunks and rash guard for some reason. Wrote a bit. Internet. Tea quickly downstairs after an insane queue. Upstairs for chemistry notes.
Watched Aladdin with the group while typing up The Living Cell notes. Catching up slowly. Weekend again for catching up, but once I'm caught up with all the stuff I missed through the weeks (really just notes) I'll be good. and start on longer projects, etc. Explore the library.
Fell asleep after the movie. Sarah banged her head really hard on the wall. Everyone went crazy. Poor Sarah. After that I fell asleep again contemplating my character and being a writer, and how at any given moment I could choose to take on characteristics of the characters in my head.
Woke up and everyone was gone. Stumbled back to my dorm and the others chuckled from the area between corridors. Back here, Internet, talked with Shruthi! I used to tutor her at NCAS! So funny.
Sleep soon. Breakfast tomorrow and plant diversity and practical. Frightened of the practical. More frightened of the practical for Exploiters on Wednesday. At least I get to see Pip tomorrow. Wednesday night I'm staying over Jo's! So cool! Real food! And doggies!
Also, she gave me chocolate after the exam. Yes, yes, we get along remarkably well.
I also emailed Professor Page and gave her a translation of what I was trying to thank her for. I think it came across better. I hope I'm not being a teacher's pet again, since I always fear that. But if I fear that I am, is it possible to be? I wonder.
I've realized it's more important to me on a personal level to have a good relationship with teachers by letting them know what ways they help me and what I appreciate and just being myself than by worrying about how they evaluate my grades - there is more to me than numbers. And while I want to do well for me, I should not be so worried about what they think about me regarding grades.
Which is what I should have realized a very long time ago, obviously. And sort of do minutely from time to time, but not enough.