June 6th, 2008

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.


Ari called me during work. I said I would call when I got out.

I called her an hour after work, at 6. We organized a plan for how I would get there for her mother's "I just kicked my lover out of the house for her third cheating escapade and I'm really sad" lesbian party. Because I don't know how to get to Andrew's house since I've only been there once and it was by bus, but Ari lives near BSC and I've been there quite a few times including to her house.

And I said I would call my parents and then call her back and I was sure it'd be fine because they're always fine with the stuff I do, especially now that I'm paying for my own gas.

But I called Da and he sounded really serious. And he told me I couldn't go anywhere because we need to have a conversation about my university funding. A family conversation. And he was really down and serious.

This is going to hurt like hell.

So not only can I not go for now (we'll see about after the "meeting"--they're playing tennis for hours first anyway, and I don't know what condition I'll be in when the conversation ends), I currently feel like crying. And I'm frightened.

And I know I'm going to be ripped to shreds. And I deserve it, but it's, again, going to hurt like hell. And now I'm already crying.

So I think I'll go cry lots and see if I can get out all the tears so I don't have any to cry during this "conversation."

Fuck. (Yes, I said the word.) I'm afraid.