April 20th, 2008

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

So, I've had this journal since September 7th 2005. That's more than two years of journaling on this name. More than two and a half, I think. That sounds like the preparation for a change of name, doesn't it? But it isn't.

Somehow, even after two years, I always get this 'new' feeling with cranky__crocus. As if it's still a new username. I think that's special, if I can have something for that long and still feel as if it is new. I'm not changing it.

(Now a layout--I would love a personalized type layout. I'm always asking, but...would anyone want to make a layout for me? I know Snoopy's good at them.)

I don't remember the last time I updated. Let's see. I'm glad it's vacation. Today I woke up and went to church. It was pretty marvelous. Lots of people came up and talked to me. Then Mum had me start planning for my graduation party. Blech. I hate planning parties. Then I was putsing around.

Dweeb's two friends came over. Erick and Chad or something. I watched them play Rock Band and stuff.

Started watching a new anime. Ikki Tousen. It's completely hilarious. Big-busted girls fighting scrawny and large men and somehow always ending up with little clothing. Or they're fighting each other and 'getting wet.' It's just so hilarious. It's like Najica, only with even more lesbian text. Hahah.

I watched Kannazuki no Miko over the last few days. I thought it was sweet despite the fact that it didn't make that much sense. Made me excited that I'm growing out my hair.

I think it's fascinating that I'm getting more into anime again. I watched some Sailor Moon the other day, too. Fangirl giggle. I hope there's no fanfic coming on the way... Grin.

Really need to do this research paper. Somehow I'm not that concerned. I have a 105% in the class and I have all the information planned out. I just need to put it in order and right the thing up. Nothing too rough. Plus, she's a wicked lenient grader. I don't think this will be too tricky. And the final exam should be a piece of cake as well.

I like reading through old entries of past livejournals. Even though I was a completely snobby bitch as lesbian_kiwi. It's pretty funny. I thought I was so honorable and mature, but I came off really mean and self-righteous. Oh well. We all have to learn some time, right? I wonder what the Kiwi a few years down the road will say about today's Kiwi. Somehow I don't think it'll be so completely different. Even butch!Kiwi knew it was just a phase. It was a pained phase during surgeries.

I don't know how much changing I'm going to undergo now. When I picture so many people around me as adults, I see them so differently. When I think of myself I see minor differences but an expanse of similarities. It's intriguing. I'll see how things go.

I cut a pair of my jeans to make shorts and colored/wrote on one side and gave it to Snoopy as a cute gift. Now I'm writing to Future Kiwi on the other leg. I'm always fascinated with reading what I've written in other years, especially to "future Kiwis" and even to writing back to prior years. I can only imagine myself picking such things up at 50.

It just makes me feel as if time isn't all that linear at all. And what a thing to think about! I was so strong during those five surgeries, as if I was picking up strength from everywhere...what if I was, and some of it was coming from the support of myself from years to come? What if all the letters I've written to my past selves have actually lent support back in those time, like a tricky time complex? It reminds me of the third Harry Potter and how that was the first time I ever truly understood time travel. Maybe right now, the Kiwis about to undergo surgeries in time past are actually still preparing in their own time loops and are soaking up the support I'm sending them. What a thing to think on.

I keep being voted "most absentee" on the Facebook social scenes. I don't disagree. I also think I'm one of the Least Invited. It's hard to be anything but Most Absentee when you are so seldom invited places.

I'm not as snarky as I once was, hmm? Maybe people are just afraid of inviting me around.