January 19th, 2008

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

It rained this morning. Got up a little bit late and...I CAN DO MY HAIR IN ODANGOES. Figured that out the day before yesterday. It's amazing. I used to wear them freshman year, and now I can get my hair in them again.

First period I did some early English homework and talked to myself on the computer. Second period we worked on a lab that I didn't finish even though a lot of people did, which is fine. I know I'm a slow worker. Third period we joked about the pen ink stain and I moved up desks to be near Mrs. Quinn and Pantaxi, but Pantaxi spends most of her attention on Pepper and I guess that's fine... I mean it hurts sometimes, but whatever. He always has a lot to say so I understand. It still makes me feel like an attention whore, though, which I don't like. I may go back to sitting near Booby just because he bugs me the whole period and I absolutely love it. And he cracks me up. But I liked being in the front of the room because (sorry) Mrs. Quinn is wicked pretty.

I've realized that I'm not the kind of girl who can hold my book to my chest and look to the floor with a gentle smile as I walk. I tried that for some bizarre reason the last few days, and it's just unnatural to me. I'm the kind of girl who walks confidently, poised and ready for dreams and reality, and looks people in the face/eyes--but also looks to the ceiling, to the sky, to the trees. Just alert, or non-alert... But not downcast or shy. I just thought it was a neat thing to recognize.

Lunch I ate alone and read because I like doing that. Fourth period we watched Hop-Frog and it's such a fantastically surreal movie. I re-did my right odango many times until I got it right again.

Fifth and sixth we had double business management with Mrs. Coullette (way SP) as a sub and she made us finish the open-book test so Laura and I did it together because it's pointless and stupid and she never taught us any of it AND we're not even allowed to take the books home. So whatever. And I'll have some of the questions to debate with Mrs. Mattison, or really more the answers. That'll be fun though. It's the sort of thing I like doing. Mrs. Coullette suggested I watch The Debaters or whatever because I like 'debating' only she admitted that I don't seem to like debating, just discussing. So that was fun. I also played the stupid online financial football game we were supposed to play, went on gaia, and G-mail chatted with Lash and Sapph. Which was much better than class. And printed out Avenue Q lyrics while the sub admired my fierce typing skills.

Woodshop was dull. I sat around singing Avenue Q and thought of Snoopy's labeled_girl post on PC-ness. Greenhouse was equally stupid and I even TRIED doing the stupid project and it's just pointlessly dumb, because Mrs. Brodeur stinks at assigning and explaining projects. I think she gave it to us just so she wouldn't have to teach the stupid class anymore--not that she's taught it before. She brings in plants, tells us the name, tells use we're going to have a quiz, forgets, gives us giant packets to answer questions on and sometimes outline, and tells us to put them in "folders" which, apparently, she doesn't touch. And she picks certain people out for increasingly hard tasks that she then doesn't look at. Growl at her.

But I met up with Renae and Val. We all decided to go back to my place, only then we met up with Ari and decided to go to her place in well because her mother wanted us over there and crazy lesbian mothers beat all. So we hung around the school and threw (secret) snowballs and then drove to Ari's house, not getting lost. Hanging around was so fun. I was my normal crazy Kiwi. We made brownies, someone told me to lick the bowl, so there goes Kiwi's head in a bowl. With pictures. And I was on the phone with Renae's new girlfriend whom I apparently saw at the GSA conference but don't remember at all. And when I mentioned having a crush on my teacher, she asked what age the teacher was and I said 50. And she told me that I wasn't normal and that that was weird. I good-heartedly replied, "Well, I'm not the one dating Renae," grinned as I said I was kidding, and alleviated the situation. But I thought about it more and talked about it a little and we all found that we've had crushes on teachers.

But really, age? It seems like just a barrier people put up between other people. Why am I not allowed to admire an older woman's beauty? Is it not the same as an older woman commenting on the young beauty of a small child? We always hear that. "Oh, she's such a beautiful girl--look at that shining golden hair and those big blue eyes!" It's not sexual. I think a lot of older women are extraordinarily beautiful--stunning. And I'm GLAD. Because hey, someday, I'm going to be older too! And someday I'll have an older partner, because I'll be older! And I'm sure that when I'm older, I'll still be able to comment on the beauty of a middle-aged woman. We're not limited to our peer level when it comes to remarking on beauty of spirit and body. It's not as though my finding an older woman beautiful means I don't find girls my age attractive. It's all such a ridiculous concept.

Anyway, then we left for school, got lost once on the way, and arrived late after calling Mrs. Hoegler. There was lots of prancing around. It was great fun. Mrs. Hoegler was there and I got really annoyed for seeking her approval in my actions. Who gives a flying frack about Mrs. Hoegler and her approval? She's practically on the Approva-Patch herself. I don't want to be like that. I just want to be me, Kiwi. Mac showed up! We hugged hard and then we all settled to watch The Laramie Project. Ari and I cried. And we were resting against each other a little and that felt warm and good. 'specially when Mac came to join us for I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry or whatever. It feels good to be a touchy-feely kinda girl again! Yay.

I was tired and hung around to help clean up a little but mainly acted like a zombie. Mum called and I cleared up with her that JOL is 12:30. Drove home listening to loud music. I love driving at night under the stars singing music on an almost empty street. It's wonderful.

I stepped out of the car to find such beauty I almost cried. I love when the moon comes out in winter. It's full enough to light everything up in my favorite type of light--moonlight. And oh, the moon shadows! I never realized how much I love the moon in winter, even more than the sun. (I love you, Sun, dear, but your time appears to be summer and spring...) With the white snow coating the ground, the moon presses clear shadows of trees and everything around onto a canvas of clean snow. How it sparkles! It shines right back up in response. I thought it was beautiful. The feeling of chilled wind on my lips felt fabulous as well.

Now I'm upstairs and I'm going to pack a little bag for my Rowe reunion, read up some English homework, and go to sleep. Busy weekend. Today was nice.