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Kiwi Crocus
03 November 2007 @ 12:56 pm
I don't know who I'm kidding. I don't know what I'm doing.

How do I start a 400-word, 47-line personal statement or essay that captures my essence and achievements? What beginning line could possibly head off such a thing?

This is my big part. Of the whole application, this is where they really view me. And so far, they're viewing nothing, because outline or no, I can't start it.

I sit down, I type a few words, I CTRL-A, I backspace, I cry.

Ican'tdothisIcan'tdothisIcan'tdothis.

Only I know that I can. And I hate it.

Everyone I know tells me, "Your essay is going to be one of the best. It's going to be better than most of the stuff they're getting."

And why? I don't feel like a good writer right now. I don't feel like a writer at all. I've seen some other college applications, and I don't agree that mine will be one of the best. That it will even be particularly good.

I wish people didn't expect me to shine so farking bright on this.

I don't feel like a shining star. I don't at all. I feel like another regular piece of paper slipped into the pile, and that's what I'm going to be.

This process is dumb. I want out of all this. Unfortunately, the Process is the only way. Stupid paradoxes. Stupid, crummy, ridiculous.

Mum wants this by 7 this evening. That leaves me six hours. In school, that would be enough for me to write a number of papers, create a project, speak in front of a group of people, and still have an incredibly great time of it.

But putting myself into a 400-word, 47-line personal statement/essay in six hours? I couldn't do that in six days, six weeks, six years, six decades, six lifetimes...
 
 
Kiwi Crocus
03 November 2007 @ 09:50 pm
Snoopy commented once more. (I guess it really isn't fair, since she's at my house, but since otherwise there's only been one comment on this journal... I'll let them count.)

This chapter features one of my very favorite characters. He's a very Rowe-type character. A lot of the stuff coming up will seem very Rowe-like. I just love that camp environment.

As always, ignore the mistakes. 


There we go!  I'm on to Chapter Seven in my writing now.  I'll soon be at 13,000 words.  Yay!