October 25th, 2007

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Got my SAT scores.

Reading - 680.
Math - 610.
Writing - 750.
Essay - 11 (it really amused me, actually--I like).
Multiple choice - 73 out of 88 or whatever.

2040. Wish I had the 60 points to get up to 2100s.
1290 verbal/reading + math. 10 points from 1300, what Commonwealth College of UMASS wants.

But I realized that even if I looked down and saw three 800s staring up at me, I wouldn't have been happy.

Because it isn't about the test. I'm not looking at myself properly. It reminds me of how someone can be strong, beautiful, and powerful in the midst drudgery, pain, sorrow, and anguish by remaining centered and balanced inside.

I am living in the midst of great joy, spontaneous and beloved change, beautiful spirits; yet I am tipped, spinning and lost inside--I do not feel as though I am living with power, strength, or beauty. I want to find my center and balance.

I remember when home was in my own heart, mind, and soul--losing home is painful; it is inside of me and I can't find it. I will have to adapt my search.

Oh, Old Oak of my soul, wherefore art thou?

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