July 8th, 2007

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

I cannot stop thinking about Rowe. Especially with Arah here, we speak about it constantly.

Our experiences are very different. She has gone for seven years, I have but one under my belt. She speaks of many male friends, I reply with the soft female presences I came to know and love. She gets energetic and excited, I smile and speak of my quiet, peaceful moments of human intimacy and inner contemplation. She hops and claps about with frenzied and giddy voices, I sit atop my knees and offer a small smile with my subdued and demure presentation of my experiences.

Still, we are ready.

I think of what will change for this year. If all goes according to plan--and I am trying hard, always working and resting to heal my body--I should be walking well for Rowe. I will probably bring my trusted cane for support and a 'just in case.' I should be able to dance closer to what my heart wishes for me. I should be able to walk to chapel. I should be able to sit cross-legged in earnest when meditating in the orchard. I should be able to fall for another being and, if events turn out in some directions, offer up my lips to new warmth.

Some are speculations, some are hopes, some are dreams, some are goals.

Three weeks. I am so excited, ready, yearning... My body, mind and soul are waiting hand in hand for Rowe.

It will rejuvenate me for my senior year.

I will really be a senior in high school.