January 2nd, 2007

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

I don't like this.

I feel the way I did last year.

When I got distant, stopped doing my homework, and started worrying people.

And then had multiple panic attacks during classes and landed myself in therapy.

I haven't had therapy in weeks.


I hate feeling this dependent. This weak. This unmotivated.

I have it tomorrow. I want to go and I don't want to go.

I really, really hate this.

My body wants me to curl up, not talk to anyone, and rock away in silent sobs. My mind is telling me that that isn't the proper way to go about doing things, and I would be much better off with bla bla blah. My heart is telling me to let me open it and let the love in.

I am doing none.

I feel like scum.

And again... I really, really hate this.