December 14th, 2006

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

New updating system.

I had to check out this new updating system my flist has been chattering about.

Oww extreme cramps. I hope it's not due to the tampon again. That's scary. I hate this time of the month and how freaked out I get.

School is killing me. The stupid paper due tomorrow is killing me because I don't know how to include Bethaloupe in it without having her do ALL of it.

I hate this.

I'm stressed, tired, and completely emotionally top-turned.


Save me.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

The most amazing...

So, school was school. I had my highs, I had my "zomgsofftehwallsssssss" and I had my "I'm good".

Apparently I snapped at Grammie and "didn't invite" her to the NHS thing. Even though I didn't snap at her and I "didn't invite" her because a week or two ago she told me she couldn't come anyway, but that she would have loved to.

Before we had to go I started freaking out. Mum was supposed to be helping me but it just felt as though she was being really, really mean.

Then a young adult called about speaking for the youth at the lock-in and Mum was talking to him for a long time. While I was crying and trying to get into pants I'm too large for. She wouldn't get off the phone.

I started sobbing hysterically, panicking, bla blah blah, even swore and it was yucky.

In the car I tried to call Laura to tell her I would be later. Couldn't reach her, called Mrs. Cav. She suggested I calm down and made me laugh--at least on the inside--about being a "minute late" since it's an inside joke of ours.

Got there, things were all right, made sure I got some air, etc.

It was amazing. Sitting up there and hearing everything stirred me uncontrollable amounts. Then hearing each teacher step up to talk about these people that (for the most part) I know so well, directly or indirectly... I couldn't stop smiling.

When Mrs. Cav went up for Chris's, I noted how graceful she seemed. The two e's, as well. Elegant and eloquent. Again, couldn't stop smiling. She went up again for Kristyn. Same thing.

She got up for me and it was a spot more personal, since we'd gone over it and spent time on it. All that. Okay, it was a lot more personal, but only because I personally requested it. I talked to her the other day about how really, that was the important part of the whole thing for me. Hearing her.

At the end of the introduction she looked at me and said something along the lines of, "and now I'm going to take a chance..."

And she started singing. Our song. I came across it briefly at Rowe, but she knew it and sent it to me in that email... A while ago she sang it to me when I told her the envisioned image of her singing me had tugged me along through the day.

So she sang. "How could anyone ever tell you you were anything less than beautiful? How could anyone ever tell you you were less than whole? How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle, how deeply you're connected to my soul."

I was too happy to cry. It was the most beautiful scene I have ever witnessed. Been a part of. Seeing her there, singing to me. NOW it makes me want to cry, makes me want to squeeze her comfortably tight and tell her how much I love her. She was stunning, singing up there. It went beyond admiration. I felt like...her student, friend, sister, daughter, spiritual...something, all at the same time.

Again, not in a romantic sense. I don't even know. I think about it for hours sometimes. Not how it works or why, just...marveling, I guess.

I hope that moment sticks with me forever. It was too beautiful, for me, to ever truly describe.