July 27th, 2006

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

Kiwi's Feels like She's in a Book.

Whoever put me in one of those heartbreaking teenage lesbian books that takes place over the summer? Take me out of it. That's what I feel like. I'm in a book. I'm not WRITING the book, I'm just in it. Friends going to camp, coming back from camp, AT camp... My jumping from vacation to vacation and having all these wonderful fantasies about a camp I've never been to. Having a Crushgirl at camp for weeks and not being able to see her until school and church starts up again. Having a teacherfriend that I call sometimes and talk to.

Seriously? I'm just in a book. Pashi talked about feeling she'd missed an "unimportant" (it won't be on the test) lesson in life that is actually ridiculously important. Other friends are angsting. Some are in ultimate joy.

Me? I'm just in a book.

With a fourteen year old, attitude-filled girl as my sidekick, or something. I don't know. She's a great girl. Sometimes it's all so hard to deal with when it's with my fourteen-year-old brother and her twelve-year-old brother. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Know how when I say I don't like kids people say, "Well, you were a kid too. You are a kid." They're right on both accounts. Well, sometimes I don't like my peers or slightly younger children either. And my friends. Those are the times when I just need to go somewhere and be very, very alone. That hasn't worked very well here. Everyone's always checking on me to make sure I haven't died and whatnot. The best place I've found is my wonderful little closet, where I've decided to sleep.

I miss being alone and not hearing human voices. I don't want to be cranky, I really really don't. I feel like such a sod but... ugh. Whatever. bljaa;wilejfblablakjawfineBLA

life!HTML is so useful.

I want someone to save me. I miss my friends. I miss my friends' voices and faces and witty jokes and smirks and laughs and tears and blushes and oh, MY gods I MISS MY FRIENDS.

Yeah. Back to life at Virginia Beach, then.

Please call my cell. 1-617-875-7929.