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Kiwi Crocus
03 January 2006 @ 09:54 pm
I had an amazing evening with my family.

I come back and feel misunderstood. I don't want to bring about feelings of guilt, so I doubt I'll say just about that. It's not that "Ohboohoo theydon'tgetme crycry." Or maybe it is. I know that it hurts, and that I don't often have tears stream down my cheeks. Sometimes the wisecracks and comments get to me. But I know they must be said and I completely understand that. That's why I don't block my entries from comment.

Everyone deserves the chance to say what's on his or her mind. But I also have every right to be hurt. And when I'm hurt, I'm hurt. I don't want to be anything other than the emotion I'm feeling and I don't want to hide it with anything else.

I don't completely understand the love I carry. I'll admit that. But I do understand a lot of it and it hurts to be doubted. Please have faith in me? I may not know exactly what I'm doing in life, but I try hard and try with all my might to please not only myself but others as well.

As long as I remain a creature of both intuition and logic I will be myself and nothing less, but also nothing more. So please, have faith?

That's what I've worked so long to have in myself. Now I have it and I know that I can get beyond any hurt to feel the next feeling, whether it's ecstacy or excrusiatingly painful. To me, that's living.

I said more than I had planned. That happens a lot.

School tomorrow and I am certainly excited. When I see Makuchan and Kleppy I'm going to tackle them with hugs. Well, maybe not tackle, but I'll certainly hug them until they don't know what hit them.
Current Mood: crushedHurt.
Current Music: Cheatin' || Gin Blossoms.
Kiwi Crocus
03 January 2006 @ 10:45 pm
It's great that meditation soothes me so much. I guess I still feel misunderstood by the general public, but I'm also the one making me feel that way. It's all my interpretations and no one elses. My feelings are based on my views, which are personal and ever re-inventing new ideas. So what I read into things that are said hurts me but that's okay. At least I'm feeling.

Hey, Proc? I know you go by something else now, but you've always been a great friend. I've never doubted that about you. I'm sorry if I tug on your nerves. Forgive me?