October 26th, 2005

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

I want to be someone to believe, to believe, to believe.

I enjoyed today. I wore my black cloak, the one with rainbow trim. People either loved it or shunned me for it. I find any ridicule they throw my way vastly entertaining, though, so they’re really at a loss.

We were assigned a paper in Hers. We have to right about our hero/shero--someone we admire. I wrote this piece after what went on in the class. Steele: “You are SO cynical!” (end random quote.)

“It is pathetic, and ominous, that when a teacher asks her class of students to write about a hero, someone they admire, she is met with answers such as, “I don’t have one,” or “I’ll do the members of my favorite band!” Not only that, but those who aren’t doing their favorite lead singer say they won’t be able to find someone they can emulate. What does this say of society? Can teens truly not find someone to grin up at, someone to copy as a form of flattery? Never should we have no one to look to, glance to when the nervous flush graces our face at a question we don’t quite understand, or at least don’t have the answer to.

I have a hero, and I didn’t pick her from my favorite musical group. She didn’t accomplish some Grande athletic feat, and she certainly doesn’t dance about in the near-nude, flaunting her body and the vulgar words coming out of her mouth. She is none of those people, and does none of those things. I respect her because she has opinions, and because she stands up for them. I’m sure there are a handful of athletes, singers, and other celebrities that support opinions they stand up for, but they are the ones few-times admire by my peers.

So I ask, where are these heroes and sheroes we are looking for? More importantly, why can’t my peers find them? I can see them plainly; they’re the only ones standing in a crowd of seated people. If many of them stand higher, and speak when challenged, why are they so hard to find? Maybe the only reason as to why I can see them is because I’m standing along with them.”

I realize that there are many people that I DON’T like that stand up for their opinions. Just because I dislike them does NOT mean I don’t respect some things about them. Often times, I’ll respect their ability to stand up for what they believe in, even if what they believe is that I should sit down and shut up. Just because they believe I should, and argue that I should, doesn’t mean I will. I can respect their courage to stand up for it anyway, though. I can respect someone I dislike and argue with them at the same time.

I was really content.. No.. Happy? I don’t know what I was on the bus, but I could not stop smiling. I was mouthing the lyrics to my songs, and grinning or smiling along as I did. It was strange, and got me thinking. What if I’m not so lonely, after all? I’m one of those that doesn’t believe finding a soul mate is finding my, “other half”. So if I’ve got both halves I’m whole. I’ve no need to be lonely if I’m whole.

I came home and wrote two papers. My SAM paper is very long, and nearly opposite of what I’m supposed to do. It’s still well done and information-packed, though. I don’t think my teacher will be able to refuse it. We were supposed to choose a pet we wanted, and give reasons as to why. I said I didn’t want any of them, and gave information and facts backing up why it wouldn’t work out. My second paper was the Hers one. I’m going to put it here.

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