Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus


I have so much trouble separating my Self from my Thoughts.

I don't want to think I'm a terrible person.

I don't want to cry and panic over stupid things I can't change that should be petty in my life. It's an ended relationship, Kiwi, please get over it. You are hurting, you are crying. Are you healing? I wish I knew more.

I am nervous. The current reason is stupid. I go, I have a grand time, how do I phrase an email? Will I get a response? Should I bother at all? I don't email robots. I've spoken with enough on insurance phone lines. I don't need them in my real life. Please don't be a Cyberman.

Tomorrow starts my last weekend in this country, on this side of the ocean--and it won't be in this room, the room in which I've spent so much time. Computering and emailing and doing rituals and dancing and sleeping and entertaining. I will need to take down the posters and things I want.

I wish I didn't get so down. Life is so peaceful and joyful for me, and then I remember things, and then I hit a Slump.

This is not the Kiwi I love. But I am still in here. I just can't separate.

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