Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

Separate

I have so much trouble separating my Self from my Thoughts.

I don't want to think I'm a terrible person.

I don't want to cry and panic over stupid things I can't change that should be petty in my life. It's an ended relationship, Kiwi, please get over it. You are hurting, you are crying. Are you healing? I wish I knew more.

I am nervous. The current reason is stupid. I go, I have a grand time, how do I phrase an email? Will I get a response? Should I bother at all? I don't email robots. I've spoken with enough on insurance phone lines. I don't need them in my real life. Please don't be a Cyberman.

Tomorrow starts my last weekend in this country, on this side of the ocean--and it won't be in this room, the room in which I've spent so much time. Computering and emailing and doing rituals and dancing and sleeping and entertaining. I will need to take down the posters and things I want.

I wish I didn't get so down. Life is so peaceful and joyful for me, and then I remember things, and then I hit a Slump.

This is not the Kiwi I love. But I am still in here. I just can't separate.
Subscribe

  • Leap Year

    This entry is to be posted on the date of the Leap Day 2020 & edited later, by right of a renegade sense of nonlinear time & a terrible case of…

  • Hoggywartyxmas Rec Post

    First: Printed every entry from the fest. Double-sided (‘cept photos) & narrow-margins, mindful of spacing - an inch-tall pile when pressed flat.…

  • hidden in the web

    Supposed to be thinking about posting here every day around 22.30 (that's thinking about it, mind, going about the ritual of the thing, not the…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments