Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

A longish One

So this weekend has been hectic. Friday I did the work thing and then whatever else I did but unfortunately my memory is utter crap sooooo moving on!

Saturday morning was the picnic. I woke up and was a cranktastic crankfest. Mum was confused, because normally congregational stuff = SUPER PEPPY KIWI! And I wasn't. I was also in pain.

But I got out and cheered up. Got to meet a few new people. Not many people showed up out of worry for the weather. I cemented plans with Carol (who came up and no one could tell if she was caroling me or I was caroling her. Caroling in my congregation = having Carol ask someone to do something and the certain inability most of us have to say no). Also with Joni, Karen, and Michael. Got a fake tattoo. Mum too, but she put hers on upside down and did the second one wrong. Silly.

Pantaxi canceled on us by TEXT when I was at the picnic. I cried. I was thinking, who picks a guy one is dating and sees frequently over seeing a friend who is leaving the country? So, as one might imagined, I was miffed. Crying and angry. She didn't pick up the phone.

Went home, Internet, napped.

Laura called and was running late. I hung around home and had a good time. Felt great. Drove to her house with the windows down and the balloons in the back escaped but got caught so I pulled over and fixed them in the windows so I was my own parade. Reminded me of senior parade and senior breakfast and how I didn't show any school spirit but didn't care and still don't. Ah! Pleasant, grin.

We hung around chatting. She was on the phone with Antoinette for a while and that was great. It was decided I would stay over. We burned Laura's pictures onto two DVD data discs so I can now make copies for Makuchan too. Laura and I watched a weird 80s movie and I was online a bit but not talking to anyone.

We talked some more. She gave me some of her college rejects stuff. Let me wear PJ pants and we had a in-case-of-bleeding-emergency discussion. I went to sleep downstairs. Couldn't even get through my nightly songs, fell asleep after "History Through a Song."

Woke up, snoozed, splashed my face. Had little bleeding emergency. Laura gave pants. I took off. Drove to church.

I cried a lot. "Return Again" from the new edition really hit me the first time, and when we sang it a second time after water communion I cried hardcore. Gar leaned on me and it was nice. I cried when I went up to put in my water (which Mum had given me in a FUSF cup--I kissed the chalice before I dumped the water). Carol hugged me up stage. I saw Lisa and Sharon (bosses) but did not acknowledge them and pretended they weren't there. Bad Kiwi. At least they saw me crying and loved and affected by leaving. Somehow that helps me.

The children story was about transformation and letting go for change and rainbows and people were like, "Wow, it was made for you Kiwi." People hadn't expected me to be there. Jill (ministerial intern) told me if she had known I would be she would have had me be the stream instead of Ann. I smiled. I went around with Gar and Steven. Decided to form the "Youth Committee of Tackling Adults" and we nominated Claire as our first victim so we went around doing that. Then formed a line to hug Michelle for condolence to Tom's run-over violin.

Lisa and Sharon started talking to me and it was very Blech because I wanted to be saying goodbye to my church family who had been there for me through thick and thin, and they were my bosses ranting about life and work and to be honest I didn't care at all. Bobbi came up and saved me. I later discovered from Mum and her that she had come directly to save me 'cause Mum had told her I didn't want to be speaking with Lisa and Sharon on my last day in service.

It was hard saying goodbye to everyone. Even the ones I knew I had meetings set up with and all.

I let Peg (old woman) borrow my cell phone to call home. She was so concerned when no one picked up twice. I offered to drive her home and it was incredible how touched she was. Her son ended up arriving anyway. I drove Dweeb home instead. Grabbed directions, headed off to Borderland park. Got lost off on 106, saw a RealEstate place and thought, "they can help." The man got me whole new directions by looking up the map.

I got there just fine, just in time to see Shaya being the Crowd. Was proud I knew exactly what she and Aubrey were doing. I met her mentor Carole and Carole's partner and her partner's child (I assume--it wasn't actually talked about). Hung around in the shade with Opal (doooogie) and Kim and Aubrey. It was loads of fun. Saw Shaya and Tom win best trick. Had caught on to the fact that Tom was supposed to grab One Tissue when Shaya "sneezed" but he was overexcited and kept grabbing the whole box. Although, if I wanted the trick for IRL use, I would prefer the whole box! Grins. Played around. Watched her from a far for best mutt. She won third. Close up for Musical Attire as I considered it--have the dog bum it on a T-Shirt and not on a chair. She won third with that too. An aggressive lab-and-owner pair booted Tom off their T-Shirt.

Then followed them for ice cream. I got watermelon sherbert with sprite. Shakes fist at Mr. Crowley's change in my life. Had fun.

Played I Like Giants as I followed them from the Ice Cream place. Drove home. Instead of taking a nap I got a bit done.

Senior youth was so wonderful. I didn't do much because I wasn't a Real senior youth, so I tried to stay in background for work except clean up but I was loud with friends. Was struck with how connected I am with Gar, Arah, and Penny. We can have conversations without talking. Be silly in the same way. Know exactly what is going on with each other. It's not something I found outside of church, really. Not at the Aggie, with maybe two or three exceptions. It seems rare yet I have so much of it in one place. It's such a community, senior youth, and now I'm not part of it anymore. It's sad. My two rules (no swearing except when using "poetic vulgarity" and then "no harshing mellows") are still there. Everyone wondered what they'd do without me. I'm the only senior who graduated and was actually active in the group. I was leader and all that.

Gonna miss it. Hope I find friends like that in England and else where. I really want to connect. Be silly, be serious, be silent, be loud. I'm frightened I won't find these connections else where and beyond youth. I know it isn't true, but the fear is still present.

Gar gave me a beautiful card. I may type up what it says later. I cried (duh). Drove home. Showered, cleaned a little, online, making a post so Shaya doesn't see the X one anymore, even if it still weighs on my heart (sorry!).

I'm really frightened. I'm leaving so much for uni. I'm also so excited. Brralkej;oijgawef. Yes, obviously articulate too.

Had a few realizations that I don't feel like putting in this anyway.

Scamp -- Don't know if you got down this far, or maybe you'll catch your name, but I haz (giggle) a request! Perhaps you might tutor me in English--lulz, spoken around-the-town English--and cure me of some of my American jargon when I hop the puddle and arrive? Could just be a fun and silly thing! Haha. Just the sorts of things I should know.
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