Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

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Right News Wrong Day

Woke up with a successful cell phone alarm and hopped in the shower.
Left late. Took the last part of the Spanish final and was slightly disappointed to know that I'd miss Pam coming to pickup the exams. I think I did alright. At least I understood all the questions except one, and even with that one I knew it was asking "where were you last ___" just don't know how long ago. Said I was in my house. Took the bio quiz and came back.
Got stuff back in bio and realized I haven't done one of the viewer labs so worked on that.
Maths we watched a presentation and goofed off some more. Complimented Quinny's outfit. Her facial expression always looks as though she's flirting, but I think it's just because she feminine and pretty.
Lunch Pantaxi stepped on the beaver slipper's tail and it came off and we laughed and laughed and laughed. Got lunch and watched Dark Crystal.
Am Lit zoned out because it's all the same. Replied like the Chamberlain Skeksy (sp) from Dark Crystal when asked if I'd done my homework.
Double study I spent on the computer emailing and uploading writing back onto writers cafe. I guess I wasn't in much of a people mood and other people felt that. Was going to sleep but got sucked into organizing the writing.
Spent Garden doing the same thing in plant science.
Interiorscapes doing the same thing in the computer lab. Nelly's freshy class came in and they were loud. Thankfully Shaya and Aubrey were in it so I was a little more sane. Worked on a song parody for Meredith Brook's "Bitch."
Shaya asked Cider/Brittles with a little smile if it was hard (or something, annoying?) with my always being right. And my stomach turned over. Brittles said she didn't find me annoying. And I pretty much wanted to cry but didn't know how to put that into words.
And ehhh I guess that's about one of the hardest things to hear from people because I know it's true that I have that "rightrightright" aura and it's one of the things I hate most about myself and try to work on. It's a lot better since freshman year but it has lost me friendships that could have been fantastic. I remember the moment when my need to be "right" came up, back in the days with Elise and she used to tease me endlessly and argue every point (even when she was very wrong) and defeat me and make me feel horrible. So one day I said that was enough, I was going to beat her in an argument. It was over my shoes being Sketchers from Payless (she said that was impossible, but it's where I got them) and even though it was stupid I won and she didn't give me that Triumphant, You're Stupid look and she didn't tease me and I decided from then on that I would have to win more often because it stunk losing to people like her. And hey, hard habits die hard.
So that was all running through my head and I just sang at my monitor because I couldn't work through it at that moment. But I didn't snark in return, and that's good. And I agree. But I don't like being right all the time. I remembered the poem I wrote as a freshman:

Does feeling superior ever accomplish anything?
Is being right ever entirely good?
Really, arrogance should make me cringe,
But it surges through me, just as it should.

Everyone is wrong from time to time,
And he or she must acknowledge that truth.
Incorrect. Mistaken. Untrue. And I’m
Sure precision in answers leaves many aloof.

The sensation of being ashamed just to be correct,
It can be worse than the humiliation of being mistaken.
Being honest, pouring the perfect amount of tea.
The essence of righteousness, and the sentiment that’s shaken. [end poem]

So there we go. More things to work on. This bettering ones self never really ends, does it? Sheepish grin.

Called Snoopy on the way home.
Hung out with her and Matt. Watched Mean Girls.
It was fun.
Ate with her family. Pizza.
Hung around a while. Decided we wanted to go somewhere.
Picked up Toast and went to the mall. Bought stuff at CVS and FYE. Skull Candy earbuds aren't as nice as people say. Think the bigger ones are better but that's it for me. I still had a fun time.
Hung out at Borders and while they read magazines I started writing to myself. Have a little journal-notebook I'll keep around in my journal to write to future selves. Always love looking back at things I wrote to myself when I was younger. It's an intimate sort of self relationship.

Now I'm home and in PJ pants that need to be washed but I don't really care.
Bio test tomorrow and English homework to do.
Have to do all my stuff due next week this week 'cause I'm going to Ferry Beach.
Staying after tomorrow for GSA and now we only have one car.
So I have to get driven to school, which means I'll be later than usual but at least I'll get to read or sleep or something.
GSA meeting.
Shaya's coming over after school but now it'll be a bit trickier without my having a car right on campus. I've mentioned to Mum that I was staying after today, though, so she can't pull a, "You never told me" on me. She should be able to pick me up.
I'm sure this will work out.

I was feeling really sad and then this song came on and now spontaneous happiness.
The sky is green! (It feels better being wrong. At least I'll learn something. Now, can someone explain to me why the sky is blue? Deep smile.)
Time for English sheets and looking over science.
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