Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus

At this point I am fervently hoping to be kidnapped by friends.

I'm not sure if I'm lonely, bored, sad, or all of them.

I keep watching and reading all this different stuff, and they all have these close friendships...and I'm just not feeling those anymore. It makes me sad. I miss feeling like part of a close group.

And it's not as though I don't have a lot I could do. Writing, drawing, dancing, art, singing, playing flute, reading, meditation, organizing, cleaning, joining the family... I'm just not doing it. I don't like this feeling of what, I guess, is boredom. It's not something I normally feel. I don't remember feeling it for a very long time. I always find ways to entertain myself...

I feel somewhat blocked. Creatively, I guess, or something. Or maybe it's just me missing my friends. I don't know.

Or maybe I'm just doing that nostalgic thing I always do at the end of the calendar year. I've already looked at the livejournal posts I have made over the years at this time. That seems to be a tradition of mine.

(So hello future Kiwi. I don't know what to say to you because I don't even know where you are or what you're doing. I wonder if you spend time thinking of me the way I spend time thinking about 8th grade Kiwi. Interesting. Hope you're doing well, not stressed out, and lived through your finals--and I certainly hope you're TAKING finals because that means I made it to some place of higher education...)

Perhaps that goes into the "sad" part. I don't know. Last year's New Years was not good. It was remarkably horrible.

This vacation I wanted to get out of the house and do some stuff. I have, but... certainly not a lot. Didn't I plan to go shopping and buy New Years gifts for people since I was so bad about winter holidays gifts? But of course I haven't done that.

Now I'm probably just typing to feel myself type. Should knock it off. But I certainly don't feel as though I have much else to do. Maybe I should go write. ...and not check my cell phone to see if anyone has called.

I miss people. I've done my introvert-charge. Now I guess I'm ready for some extrovert time, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

Hope everyone is well.

Smile. Tomorrow is Dame Maggie Smith's birthday. I simply HAVE to watch HP again tomorrow...
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