Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus

Got my SAT scores.

Reading - 680.
Math - 610.
Writing - 750.
Essay - 11 (it really amused me, actually--I like).
Multiple choice - 73 out of 88 or whatever.

2040. Wish I had the 60 points to get up to 2100s.
1290 verbal/reading + math. 10 points from 1300, what Commonwealth College of UMASS wants.

But I realized that even if I looked down and saw three 800s staring up at me, I wouldn't have been happy.

Because it isn't about the test. I'm not looking at myself properly. It reminds me of how someone can be strong, beautiful, and powerful in the midst drudgery, pain, sorrow, and anguish by remaining centered and balanced inside.

I am living in the midst of great joy, spontaneous and beloved change, beautiful spirits; yet I am tipped, spinning and lost inside--I do not feel as though I am living with power, strength, or beauty. I want to find my center and balance.

I remember when home was in my own heart, mind, and soul--losing home is painful; it is inside of me and I can't find it. I will have to adapt my search.

Oh, Old Oak of my soul, wherefore art thou?

1. How do you think your last ex deserves to die?
Most certainly not.

2. List three words to describe your mother?
Outgoing, compassionate, free-spirit.

3. When & How did you meet your best friend?
I don't have one. (Be it?) But if I pick, I guess I met Snoopy some time during math while Ms. Varier wasn't looking or something. I dunno. I was in, uh, "Kiwiland" a lot during those times. Bit of a free spirit myself.

4. Would you date someone you “met" on MySpace?
Only if I met them and they were really close in the area, shared lots of IRL friends in common, and I knew I would be meeting before even trying dating.

5. What do you think of internet dating?
It works for some people. Not for me. It has been a long four years since 8th grade.

6. If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be and why?
I'm not sure. I don't know enough cartoon charactors.

7. What actor/actress would you go gay/lesbian for?
I love assumptions. I would go non-gay for hmm...I'm not sure. I wonder if I'll think of one later.

8. Ever considered yourself crazy?

9. Have you ever seen a therapist?

10. How do you feel about anti-depressants?
No good for me.

11. When was the last time you saw your (biological) dad?
This morning.

12. Would you rather have loved and lost, or never have loved at all?
Loved and lost.

13. What advice would you give to your ex’s new love interest?
Be loving and open.

14. What make, model, and color was your first car?
I haven't had my first car.

15. Did you ever try to do the Humpty dance?
I don't know what it is.

16. Do you even remember the Humpty dance?

17. Have you ever tried to make yourself pass out?

18. Have you ever faked a nose bleed? Did anyone believe you?

19. Did you ever fantasize about being close friends with a celebrity?
Of course.

20.Did you ever believe you had a monster or ghost living in your closet?
No, but there were size-changing kittens who lived in my electric outlets.

21. Have you ever crossdressed?
Many times.

22. Have you ever put a bra on your head like in Weird Science?
Many times.

23. Have you ever played real golf?

24. Have you ever had a crush on someone much younger than you?
I don't think so--a year tops.

25. Do you have any odd deformities?
I don't have a fibula in my left leg. And quite a few scars. And a lump over my left femoral head.

27. Have you ever had sex in a moving vehicle?
What happened to number 26? And no, virgin here.

28. What is the best meal you know how to cook?
...Cheez-Its from a bowl.

29. What is the blanket you sleep with like?

30. Have you ever streaked across a football field?
I can't remember if it was a football field.

31. Have you ever thought about streaking across a football field?
How could you ask the question and imagine I would get away without thinking about it? Yes, I am now seriously considering it.

32. Have you ever gone to band camp (sleep away)?
I wanted to.

33. If you could do something and know you’d never get caught or punished, what would you do?
Probably sleep with my Professor/teacher (none I currently have or anything, I just see myself in that position someday).

34. Are you missing any body parts that you were born with?
My left fibula and my left hip.

35.Have you ever been a bully?
I hope not.

36. Have you ever been bullied?
Reasonably severely.

37. Have you ever called a suicide hotline?
No. Wouldn't know how to do it.

38. How would you describe your significant other?

39. Do your dreams haunt you?
Sometimes, when I remember them.

40. Have you ever had an anxiety attack?
All the time.
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