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01 March 2012 @ 04:27 pm
 
I am fine now. I am good. Calm, settled, okay--perhaps even edging toward wonderful.

I looked up at my clock to see it was 1.30pm. I realised that if I showered very quickly (I was a mess) and got ready with haste, I could make it to the school before the day was over. So I got ready, eventually found the keys, and left in quite a state (having taken too long to find the keys and clear the snow off the car). I wasn't the kind driver I usually am. It's also been a while since I've had such a chin-up-and-out, eyes-slightly-narrowed, back-ramrod-straight sort of determined resolve day. I worried I was crossing a line by going, but my gut said go and my mind failed to present adequate reasons to stop me, so I left. I selfishly couldn't have any sort of goodbye without it being in person, if I could only make it in time.

There were no parking spaces when I arrived, but I saw Ms. Watson's car angled off near the entrance--the car itself looking ready to speed off--and I was spooked. Went down to the second lot and ran up to administration, where I was met with the hustle and bustle of young students leaving.

When it cleared, I saw Ms. Watson. She was wearing a wonderful, medieval-looking hat and being hugged by other teachers; I was pleased to see her so happy. I angled myself off to the side. Mr. Lee nodded his head at me and I smiled. When Ms. Watson saw me after, she smiled too, and I felt myself loosen up. She walked up to me and gave me a hug, saying, "You got my email!" I said, "Yes. I hurried here." She seemed very pleased.

I expected and planned to take a few steps off to the side again, to let her keep gabbing with teachers, but she seemed intent on striking up conversation with me. She asked me how I was, what I was up to and where, how was the job situation, etc. Occasionally another teacher or staff member would approach and I would step away to give them some privacy, though often they both kept me in the conversation. They all mentioned how jealous they were; one asked if her husband would be retiring soon too (based on a rumour she had heard) and Ms. Watson said, "Oh, he retired years ago. He's younger than I am and he retired at 46! He told me he didn't want to do the job any more and I said, 'Well, don't! I don't mind!'" It made me smile. (I met her husband, once, when he came in to school for the dogs and she had me help put them in or take them out.) (The woman also made a crack about Ms. Watson coming back to sub and I said, "Ah, but as I've recently found, the sub list is full!" So they listed the reasons why people loved subbing there, which mainly came down to "great students" and "money". I lamented, "And here I applied because I loved the course material so much; I'm doing it all wrong!")

After that, Ms. Watson talked more about jobs, and asked if I had heard of The Trustees of Reservations (I said I recognised it from a lecture and, upon her explanation, that it was one from Mr. Lee). She exclaimed, "Must get some paper, then!" and hurried away to retrieve a little slip of paper, upon which she wrote the website for the Trustees. After I mentioned looking into plant nurseries near my house, she wrote down some nurseries she knew, and another website link--for which she explained the entire process to get to the page she listed. Environmental jobs, apparently.

At some point I managed to mention my fear over her email, and if she had some way I could reach her that she wouldn't mind my having? She didn't hesitate as she wrote down her home email address and explained that it'd be rocky for the week because she was changing servers but, "It's my home email; you can always reach me there" with a smile. I told her to ignore my frenzied response. She gave me the paper, thought of another job later in the conversation and took it back to write it down, then gave it back.

By then Mr. Crowley (my junior year history teacher and, to date, one of only two good history teachers I have ever had in my entire education) had approached and was speaking with both of us. He complimented her hat (by name, too; I'll have to look up the term) and said that he had received one as well; Mr. Lee had given hats or scarves to his colleagues upon his return from a one-year tour in Afghanastan (Ms. Watson admitted that they were mens hats but that she had requested one from Mr. Lee, and he had told her she was wearing it wrong, but she would wear it how she liked). We chatted for a few moments before Ms. Watson admitted that she had to go see one of the guidance teachers for a moment; I gave her another hug (she told me she had my email address and would keep in touch), she ran in for a moment, and then she was off, off, and away for her retirement adventures.

Mr. Crowley told me again and again how pleased he was to see me. He mentioned how two years back he and his family had gone to Greece but stayed in England first, and he had thought of me--almost wrote on my Facebook wall. (I in turn remarked that I had read about the trip on Facebook as well. (;.) He commented on my accent and we joked about how it was no real accent now, being so hybridised, and that it must just be Kiwish. I told him that, like my Da, I was somewhat of an Atlantic Sea Monster now--and that I personally felt like a mermaid, swimming back and forth between the continents but neither here nor there. He kept laughing; he has always been a man of laughter, and I have always liked that. We discussed jobs, too; he was bummed to hear about the full sub list, saying, "I would have requested you!" That's the feel I got from many of the teachers, too, haha. I joked that if anyone started complaining of too few subs, he should drop my name. He also completely understood my desire to not yet teach (not wanting to be authoritarian with teenagers yet, and not wanting to be one of those Young Teachers) and instead preferring, for the moment, the role as mentor-mediator-guide-adult-friend; he said that absolutely aligned with the image I'd always kept and the Kiwi he knew. He told me he had to be off to a meeting, gave me a big hug, and told me to absolutely keep in touch. As he walked off he was clearly saying out loud, "How great, how great! To meet with old students! How great!" It made me smile. I've always liked him.

And so I'm good; I'm solid. It is another case (and terrible combination of) Ms. Watson being unaware of how her short, formal, and not-too-emotional responses can come off (which has been a Thing in the past, and she did include "Ms. Littleoak" which I did at least read affectionately, but she could have mentioned keeping in touch since she seemed so keen on it in person) and my being hyper-sensitive to text-based interactions (which is especially active with teacher-people and formal speech). I'm glad I went in person, which is always best for me, and that she even wanted to have a longer-than-expected conversation with me.

I still have my Rosethorn. She wants me in her personal life beyond the Aggie; it feels like validation. My heart is saying, "Thank goodness." She was my favourite teacher (she may be my Rosethorn, but she taught like Professor Sprout, and it was exactly what I needed); she was one of my favourite people in high school and has been since in life. And I matter enough to keep beyond her "graduation" - retirement. She's even still keeping her eye out for me.

I matter. I am worth keeping and caring. I could cry.
 
 
 
minervas_eule: roseminervas_eule on March 1st, 2012 09:42 pm (UTC)
I am soooo glad it worked out this way - how wonderful that it was possible to see her in person ♥
Kiwi Crocus: HP || McHooch || Kittyhawk away.cranky__crocus on March 4th, 2012 05:53 am (UTC)
Absolutely! She's a joy to be around in person. (: Humour, wry comments, smiles, great energy... it's only in text that I start getting unsure!
CaroRulescarorules on March 1st, 2012 11:32 pm (UTC)
So happy it all worked out!
Kiwi Crocus: Alex || Laughing.cranky__crocus on March 4th, 2012 05:53 am (UTC)
Thanks! ♥
Kira O'Hara: Bookskiraohara on March 2nd, 2012 10:26 am (UTC)
I'm so happy it worked out! :D

(And hee, when I saw 'Rosethorn', I had wondered if you meant the one from Tamora Pierce's Winding Circle books. :D I see from the other post mentioning Sandry's Book that it was! Huzzah, another fan of hers! :D)
Kiwi Crocus: EA || Mrs. Fisher || Is that so?cranky__crocus on March 4th, 2012 05:55 am (UTC)
Thank you! Me too!

And aslkdjflajsdf you've read Tammy's Emelan stuff?! *Glomps you and clings.*

If you ever feel the need to read ridiculous Rosethorn/Lark stuff, or some bizarre Circlecest stuff (...despite always seeing them as platonic chosen-family siblings, a big challenge once had me write a series of all of them individually hooking up and then all together, with things like crossdressing to giant orgy beds...), then I've got you covered. :B Much of my fanfic writing last year was in that fandom haha. (It's my other fandom love.)
Kira O'Hara: Bookskiraohara on March 4th, 2012 07:52 am (UTC)
I've read ALL of Tammy's stuff except Melting Stones from that 'verse and the two newest in the Beka Cooper series from the Tortall universe (and only because I either a) haven't found them in paperback or b) haven't been back to the library since they came out). :DDD

OMG! :D I might have to go looking for that!!! Y'see, I always had a thing for Briar/Sandry, to be honest. ;D I could see Daja/Tris and Rosethorn/Lark working too, though. >}

(And hey, a giant orgy bed could work after they all (the main four) move into that house together... ;D)
Kiwi Crocus: Dar Williams || Magic's in the Learning.cranky__crocus on March 4th, 2012 01:52 pm (UTC)
:D :D :D

Wish I could easily lend you Melting Stones :P. 'tis not my favourite, or anything, but of course it's cute and it's Tammy, so it's still worth at least a read. (:

I'm quite a ways into Mastiff at the moment, having read Terrier the end of last year and Bloodhound the beginning of this one. I'm finishing up the last book in a different series right now, then going back to it. (I picked up those three from the library; had to wait a while for Mastiff.)

I can give you a link to my writing masterlist from last year. :B I enjoyed writing Briar/Sandry (it's a big ship in the Emelan fandom) and Daja/Tris became one of my favourites as well. As for Rosethorn/Lark, well, that's canon. :P (Truly. They're a canon polyamorous lesbian couple, with Rosethorn boinking Crane one the side - Tammy has said as much. Including as a comment to one of my entris - at least about the first bit - on my LJ, April of last year. :B)

And yes, totally agreed on that big bed thing. It was only ever a question of getting Sandry back to their house, and that was never much of a problem. (;