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21 February 2012 @ 03:40 am
 
I've stared at this empty box for a moment, so let's see if I can finally make some progress...

    Past:

+++ Project "Birthday Suit" is on. I spoke with Cassia's photography-interested friend and she's totally down for taking some tasteful/artistic/honest nudes for me to include for my 22nd year, to start off the project. We don't have firm plans but I told her the main birthday gift is knowing that it will happen and that the project will start before I'm 23. So I'm thinking of collecting some (clothed) pictures of my parents, perhaps one with Mum pregnant with me, and some innocently nude pictures of me from various kidling ages, and then some pictures of me at various ages; then I thought I'd write a narrative of my body, from pre-birth (like how I constantly had the hiccups in-utero and I was called 'hiccup-hiccup-hiccup bay') to now, with my feelings included. Then I can start writing a bit about my body recently, to go with the 22nd-year pictures. I'm pretty excited. (No, I won't subject you to any of the pictures, never fear. Well, maybe the Kiwi-as-a-kidling ones. :B)

+++ I finished ripping Big Doc's CDs. I don't think I explained why I've been ripping CDs lately: it's so my near-aunt Carla and her father can get iPods. Big Doc had lots of classical, which I don't judge on musical traits when I state that it's simply a pain in the arse to rip. Thank goodness I'm done with his.

++ Carla's CDs are MUCH easier to rip, since she has lots of folk and random modern music, so it's more "plug in CD, import, move artist or album file, repeat" without much re-naming, 'cept burned CDs.

-- The CD ripping has still made it a pain to do anything else that doesn't involve sitting in front of my computer. I hate stopping a task every few minutes to do something else. Thus, not much progress on the room-cleaning, and the progress I had made reverted--ergh! Plus, this task involves my keeping Carla and Big Doc's music, and I'm getting paid for it, so I feel guilty about spending my time doing other things... (Though I have taken a few days off out of being busy or exhausted.)

-- Because I've been using iTunes for the ripping (it's easy) and I couldn't find a setting against it, all the ripped music is going into my library, which will lead to lots of empty files since I move them once their ripped. It's annoying for now, but means I'll be forced to go through my music library for the first time in years and do some trimming/organising/whatever else, which will hopefully leave me better off, musically-speaking.

+++ I spent some time in Providence with my friends and that was good for me.

+/- Cassia, though Molly, has basically what is the perfect iPod for me, which I can have for free, because it is an extra. It's partially minus because my parents mentioned getting me an iPod for my birthday if I researched which one I wanted. I hate researching electronic products and I love getting hand-me-downs from my friends, so my perfect iPod is Cassia/Molly's old one...but it means it's not a gift from my parents. There isn't much I want beyond a new pair of default Doc Martens (black, higher than 8-eye) and an underbust corset, which I've wanted for ages but not desperately, and that would require researching where I could find them. So I've got my parcel from my grandparents (/grandmother, really) and a free iPod from my friends, and that's good with me.


    Present:

- I am hungry and tired and cranky and ouchie and it's close to my birth-versary and I have no spoons.

+ I only have two CDs left to rip from this box and then I only have one box left of Carla's CDs and I'm done, so I don't feel guilty about not working on them as strictly tomorrow.

++ I'm caught up on Livejournal again. I read more than I commented on, I promise.

-- I'm really behind on fic-reading.


    Future:

+ After I'm done with this box of CDs, I'm going to go take a shower to hopefully feel more human before sleep. Maybe some reading of Mastiff.

--- Tomorrow I'm hoping to put some real hours into cleaning my room again, enough to make a real dent, because having a room as clean as I'd like it would be a wonderful birthday gift to myself. It's harder when I don't have any spoons. And I know my progress will dwindle as the hour of my birthday approaches. I'd also like to get through my inbox, enter into the Glake world again, and catch up on YouTube a bit.

--- It's going to be my birthday. Normally I try to hide the date and not talk about it too much until it's over, since when it comes down to it I feel guilty for often feeling sad on my birthday despite friends trying to cheer me up, but that's how it's been for as long as I can remember. Some of them have ended up happier than others (with enough distraction and inner strength), but it's always about overcoming the sadness. And it's not about getting a year older - I consider myself the year older at New Year's and it never bothers me. I'm excited to be 22 and finally a 'twenty-something' (since 21 people still just talk about being legal to drink). I don't know what it is. It just is. A birthday-sharing mentor of mine has always had it too...

--/+ It's time to write up a card for Mrs. Cav (a high school teacher of mine). I won't even get into the details of that, but we share the same birthday, and I promised myself that if I was going to tell her about the Peter Yarrow (of Peter, Paul, & Mary - a band I know she likes) concert in April, I would tell her by birthday card. So tomorrow is my day to do that, if I'm going to. (I'm not too worried about being right on time, since she's always in Florida for her birthday, anyway.)

+ I'm going to try to force myself into leaving the house on my birthday. Maybe to deliver the card to a mailbox, and maybe sit in a coffee shop on Thayer Street in Providence and people-watch. I don't know. Do something out of my house.


Blerg. Another long post with too many negatives. I guess that's why I haven't been posting on LJ. All that is as boring as watching paint dry. Maybe the next post will be better.

Oh well. I tried.

ETA: Feeling better now as I head off to sleep. Shower meditation for the win. Plus freshly-braided hair and squeaky-soft skin. :D *Hugs self.* I'll deal with those dratted feeling-things after a trip to Dreamland.
 
 
 
CaroRulescarorules on February 21st, 2012 03:22 pm (UTC)
I usually don't like my b-day all that much but I try to surround myself with ppl I care about, it helps.
Kiwi Crocus: Seasonal || Snowing Hogwarts.cranky__crocus on February 22nd, 2012 01:16 am (UTC)
Yeah, I guess I used to do that without even thinking. In high school my birthdaFebruary break every year, so even though that meant a lot of people were away on vacation, the ones who were around could almost always come hang out with me for a long while. Even in just a chill "hang out and watch films" kind of way. Then in university I was living with most of my friends, so all I had to do was walk down the corridor or down into my living room and there were at least two of my friends.

It's my first year out of school, so for the first time I'm across the ocean from the people I've been celebrating it with for the last three years, and I'm no longer close friends with the people from high school. (Well I am with some, actually, but I didn't make friends and we don't have February breaks anymore haha, wish we all did!)

But I guess that it's good that I have keys to the house in Providence (since I'm an honourary housemate), so I can just drive over there and plunk down on their sofa to read and have a few people around throughout the day, even if I don't actually do anything with any of them.
CaroRulescarorules on February 22nd, 2012 01:59 am (UTC)
It's hard being away from friends when it's your b-day. Starting over again I guess but I hope you can make the best of that special day no matter what.
zee: alice smilezofbadfaith on February 21st, 2012 03:32 pm (UTC)
I very much like this project of yours, Kiwi, really. And I really admire you for thinking it & going through with it; I can only wish I had your courage to do something like that (I've recently started a photograpic project of my own, but it has nothing related to nudies (at least not so far)). Annnd baby pictures! I wants to see them!

Hand-me-downs are the nicest thing; and I know the iPod might be coming from your friends (if you don't get your parents to give you one as a present), just try and be sure that the battery isn't worn out and things like that, otherwise you won't be able to enjoy it as much, I think :) And if you decide to get a new one instead, if you need any help just mail me, I'd be glad to help! ;) (ooooh and for the Doc Martens! I decided against getting one last time I was there, but maybe next time I'll see if I'll get myself one of those :B they're pretty amazing.)

I understand a little about how you feel on your birthday. My friends often try to take me away of my house, for celebratory purposes and I usually look like I'm having fun (out of politeness) but it's not really anything... I'd just rather stay somewhere by myself, enjoying it.
I still remember this one time that I had to borrow money from my mom because they decided I had to leave, even though I specifically said I didn't have any money; I was actually more upset than happy about them wanting to celebrate.
But apparently your friends leave you be, despite being happy that it's your birthday and congratulation you, so that's kind of good if you ask me :) This sadness, it's just something about birthdays, really.

Annnd freshly-braided hair ♥ I miss being able to braid mine.
Kiwi Crocus: Nature || Birds of a feather.cranky__crocus on February 22nd, 2012 01:22 am (UTC)
I'm glad you like the idea of the project! :D Hahaha if I scan the baby pictures, I'll be sure to post them. :B

From what I could tell, the iPod was fine. I've had this iPod of mine for years, and my former friend had it for years beyond that, and it's still fine. But if I get this hand-me-down iPod and it wears down in not-too-long, I'm sure my parents won't mind getting me a new one as a belated birthday gift, especially since I'm giving my mother my old iPod so I'll still have saved them money. (:

Doc Martens are awesome! So comfy for boots. :D

I don't mind when my friends take me away for my birthday, as long as they know and am fine with the fact that no matter what we do, I'll be working to be a step above my natural birthday blues. It's not as though if I stay by myself I'll enjoy it, so I may as well have people around to see if they can help distract me out of it all. (: But I've had a good number of birthdays in which I just hung around with my friends doing regular stuff - watching films and the like - and find that by the end of the evening, I was doing pretty well. But except for one year when I was around my friends during the actual moment, I always get that spark of sadness when it turns to midnight on my birthday. (3hrs 38 minutes and counting...)
tt: I can't even think straighttwisted_twister on February 22nd, 2012 12:16 am (UTC)
So you don't celebrate your birthday, or do you? And are we allowed to wish you a happy one?

Here, have a rainbow that also says that I didn't understand that bit about the birthday at all.
Kiwi Crocus: Rainbow || Threads.cranky__crocus on February 22nd, 2012 01:27 am (UTC)
I celebrate my birthday. Or, more clearly - my friends and family have me celebrate my birthday (and would chase me down if I didn't at least celebrate it a bit in some small way).

You are absolutely allowed to do whatever you wish - I would never want to stop someone from doing what they'd like. (: And I certainly don't mind the birthday wishes; they draw a smile. I was only trying to explain that, while I appreciate them all very much, it's still difficult to bring me out of the birthday blues - and that makes me feel a bit guilty (that people are trying, and that it doesn't always work). So it's been my habit to not mention it much. But honestly, with a conscience like mine, I'm capable of feeling guilty over just about anything!

Thank you for the rainbow. (: As far as the text goes, I have the same thing in my life. (; And sorry for not being clear! I was in a bit of an emotional jumble last night.