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20 April 2011 @ 03:25 am
 
I wish exams didn't make me so fragile. I am breaking everywhere, into pieces I can stand less and less with every fracture.

Who am I?

If I am the person I have been to myself lately, then I am mean and ruthless and hard and unhelpful and critical and useless and small and incapable and stupid.

I want to curl up and cry for the next month. Only then I would fail, and I would hate myself more.

Everything is out of the bag. Exams, anxieties, the parts of myself I detest, my vulnerabilities, my inability to push myself into what hurts, my many lackings. All out of the bag, floating about, biting me to bits.

I want this to be over so badly the tears sting. I need to remember how to breathe, touch, taste, hear, smell, see, feel with my whole body and mind, unified and understanding.

I'm not enough of myself. Or enough for myself. I don't trust me.

I guess I'll go to sleep now. Even Ani DiFranco music can't fix this. Oh, go cry an ocean, Kiwi, maybe you'll bring back the fish. Just. Cryy. Moar.

Kiwi
 
 
Current Mood: angry
 
 
 
our little life is rounded with a sleep: A/R ADFMS sexitimesdefyingnormalcy on April 20th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC)
*squishes you with hugs*

I know exactly how you feel hon, I'm right there with you. <3
albalark: Not To Yieldalbalark on April 20th, 2011 04:21 am (UTC)
Wish I could be there to hold you and tell you that this too will pass, that you are stronger than you think you are, and that you must believe in yourself because we all believe in you.

Go listen to Miss M giggling a few times . . . I've been doing that a lot these last few days myself for various reasons, and it helps for me, anyway. :-) Also, switch from Annie DiFranco to Pink . . . play 'Perfect' until you begin to believe it. You are.
DocCovington: Hahn - McDreamy (1)doccovington on April 20th, 2011 03:30 pm (UTC)
How I know the feeling, Kiwi. Trust me, you're not alone with this. *insert big, heavy sigh*