Yoinked from theproudmisogynist on tumblr.

Book List

Fanfic Batch = at least 50,000 words read, including those stories mentioned in the linked rec post (if linked).
[-] = Scanned/read for dissertation.

1) The Sense of Wonder by Rachel Carson. *****
2) Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce. *****
3) Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. **/*
4) Fanfic Batch 1.
5) Frostbite by Richelle Mead. ****
6) Shadow Kiss by Richelle Mead. ***
7) Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. *
8) The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams Bianco. ****
9) Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. **
10) Blood Promise by Richelle Mead. **
11) Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead. **
12) Last Sacrifice by Richelle Mead. **
13) Thirteen Ways to Sink a Sub by Jamie Gilson. ****
14) Bloodlines by Richelle Mead. ***
15) They're Poets and They Know It by Meredith Hamilton (ed). ***
16) A Treasury of Christmas Stories chosen by Sian Hardy. ****
17) Myth and Romance: The Art of J W Waterhouse by John William Waterhouse. ***
18) When You Lose Someone You Love by Susan Squellati Florence (written and illustrated). **
19) Mastiff by Tamora Pierce. ***
20) Sandry's Book by Tamora Pierce (audiobook). ****
21) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. ****
22) The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. ****
23) Maya Angelou Poems by Maya Angelou. *****
24) Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss. ****
25) The Singer of All Songs by Kate Constable. *****
26) The Waterless Sea by Kate Constable. *****
27) The Tenth Power by Kate Constable. ***
28) Coffee, Cream and Curry by Judy Powell. ****
29) The Difference Between You and Me by Madeleine George. ***
30) A Lesbian Nun Story: Kicking the Habit - An Autobiographical Novel by Jeanne Cordova. *****
31) Holiday Special Edition 2011 published by L-Book ePublisher. **
32) Coraline by Neil Gaiman. *****

Further reviews may be found here, as part of my Goodreads account.

( Reading Suggestions )

The oddest little thing can make me miss--or, really, appreciate--college/university. Today it was a quote from a professor that I jotted down:

"Female condoms--do you know people who actually use them? I've never seen one...in action. [...] I was going to say, 'I've never seen one in the flesh!' I wasn't really going to win there, was I?"

Mammalian reproduction, the human sexuality section. He had a tray of birth control stuff. He was also the professor who, after I'd got my dissertation marks back, kept corrupting me with wine. ("Corrupting" meaning "kindly convincing me to drink more and then purchasing it for me".) He and L, who I would say was corrupting herself just as much, for at the end of the evening it was she who was spilling wine on her leg and not me. I do certainly miss them, at least! P and L and B, who always checked in on my pain level during standing lectures and who was sweet enough to say "Well of course, she's exhausted and sick and in pain!" when I fell asleep in lecture and had to go home. Good, human professors make the world go round. They can also be incredibly hilarious--as all people are--when they occasionally slip over their own tongues! :P

I am currently cleaning and packing for Ferry Beach. It's an annual retreat for my Unitarian Universalist (Wikipedia is useful) congregation. Growing up, I went 16 years in a row; I haven't been able to go for the last three due to the whole 'college' thing. I'm incredibly excited to go again this year. I get to pass on the Senior High traditions to the youth--heading up to the jetty for a picnic and tomfoolery--and I also get to snuggle with my friend Arah, who is a year younger than I am and was often up at Ferry Beach with me. She's going to be the only one there who was with me back in my own Youth Group days, back when she and I read through the Monty Python and the Holy Grail script together all snuggled up in our two-sofas-together bed. :B

I'm getting picked up tomorrow morning at 10.30 (gasp hiss sunliiiight) by some of "the gays" of the congregation (affectionate term used by us). I'm so pleased they've invited me along, since they go up early and stop for "gay lunch" on the way. Recently they invited me along for one of their gay lunches and I was shocked, because I'm a twenty-something with no partner and in what way could I possibly be of interest to them as cooler, older, partnered-and-petted (as in, dogs-and-cats) gays? But they assured me that I was absolutely on their invite list and perfectly interesting to them, so yay, I'm in with the intergenerational gay group! :D It makes me so, so happy. It's easy to feel a bit odd-duck-out within a church group since usually the people my age don't exist, not until they're coming back to give their children a "religious home"--I think that's true for just about any religion. So since there's no Young Adult Group (18-35), of course my next choice would be to join in with the gays! They're hilarious! I'm the only single member, which doesn't bother me one bit; I'm used to being the youngest in most groups still.

I have come to the conclusion that it is wonderful to be liked. In fact, it makes me feel pretty and witty and gay.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel starts playing at The Avon in Providence this weekend!! I am super excited because a) it was previously playing only far enough away that I wouldn't go and b) I've always wanted to watch something at the Avon but it invovled intentionally putting time aside to do something, instead of just meandering down Thayer, so I've never done it.

My platonic-life-partner (PLP) Cassia and I agreed months back that we needed to see this, when I posted the trailer to Tumblr, and she was the one to see that it would be playing at the Avon; she posted on my Facebook wall that we needed a PLP date to go see this.

alskdjflasdjf excitement.

I'm sorry for being so behind on LJ, everyone. =( I can't guarantee I'll get caught up before after the 23rd, either, since I'm off on a congregational retreat this weekend and then I'll be teen-hanging (being a "paid companion")/house-sitting/pet-sitting for two evenings. But I will be back to catch up!

My previous ukulele post didn't get any comments (but I'm good with that; I'm feeling surprisingly self-confident and not comment-dependent!) but I wanted to post this next one too. (And, of course, I do appreciate comment, so please don't think this is a lack of gratitude, I'm just shocked that I'm not all nervous that I've exploded all your ears and that you all hate me now. It feels odd being so stable and centred all by myself!)

A while back I shared the lyrics to the wrock (witch/wizard-rock) song I wrote called "If You Sort Me", about Pottermore sorting and how I don't want to be Sorted Gryffindor for more Gryffindor-POV-reading. (For the record: I still have not been Sorting, because I'm reading along and finding my priorities are not giving me much time for it.)

Well, today I was practising the song because I tend to figure out how I most want to play any song based on playing it over and over again (this one has simple chords since it has complex/frequently-changing lyrics). I was recording the takes, as I often do, to see how they sounded. I was surprised to find I enjoyed one of them enough to consider posting--and now I am. It's very rough and glued together in one or two places where I had the patience to touch up a botched word/chord, but it's what the song sounds like, so I'll share anyway. (:



I was going to repost my only other Wrock song, a parody called "Old People (Got No Reason)" but I have found that the way I play it now is so different that the old file makes me cringe. So maybe I'll have to re-record that some time instead. And perhaps write more as I read through the books again; that won't be for a while with five physical library books out and one eBook out from the online library network.

I hardcore stink at going to sleep. I'm going to post this and zonk out.

Yesterday (as in, last night, but I'm still awake) I recorded a cover of Nellie McKay's "Mother of Pearl". I had some frustrating fun with it. Especially for the last verse, it may be worth looking up the lyrics (it's difficult to hear one line even in all her originals).

It's a song about feminism and feminists, and people complaining about them. It's quite satirical.



I don't agree with aaaaaall of it, but it's a funny and catchy song that I enjoy, so I wanted to cover it.

And now I want to cover myself. With a blanket. In a cocoon. Ukulele can exist again tomorrow.

I'm not sure how many of you have heard of The Worst Witch; I know that some of you certainly have, and at least one of you knows far more about it than I do. I've still yet to watch the whole series--I think I got near the end of season one, but not for lack of love. I haven't got my hands on the books yet either.

I just thought I would share the first little tidbit of it--the first 10 minutes of the show--in case it might spike the interest of any of you. I'm sure if it does, you won't fail to notice similarities between TWW and Harry Potter; the first comment, of course, reminds us which out-dates which. (;

I'm hard-pressed to pick a favourite character, but I have a guiding force: the most beloved traits of both Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape seem to have been brewed together (with a Time-Turner's assistance, if we are again reminded me of the dates) into the form of Cackle's Academy's Deputy Headmistress. That means I am hard-pressed (not really!) to choose Hardbroom--Miss Constance Hardbroom--as a favourite character. With lines such as, "You are not here to play at witches; you are here to study hard, learn discipline and prepare for your WHC--Witches Higher Certificate--under the guidance of your form teacher, who will be...me" I find that I'm actually left with less choice than ever.

I even like the younger cast of characters (there's a Griselda in the first episode at least!), which is rather shocking; and I also cackle my little head off at the other teaching characters, such as Miss Cackle herself (Headmistress), Miss Imogen Drill (we are introduced to her sweaty and in motion) and Miss Bat (who shares striking similarities with our dear Seer Trellawney, when one replaces cooking sherry with sour milk).

So I shall just put the first 10 minutes of the show here, and of course you needn't touch it, but I'll just leave it here anyway...

Alrighty. I have an odd fandom request.

See, I love fanart, and I love drawing/art...but I haven't kept up with it. I'd love to join things like hp_fanart_fest someday but at the moment I'm just too out of practise when it comes to getting an idea based off a prompt, channelling the idea into a sketch idea that works, finding models for references (I definitely need them these days), turning a sketch into a lined piece/more completed piece, and I'm waaaaay out of practise with colouring. I think I've only coloured one thing since I stopped having a tablet back in high school.

So my request is for prompts--informal, strict, just a string of words and some characters, whatever. Any kinds of prompts, really, for any fandom you've heard me mention. I can try to draw up a list, including television.

And you can needle me. It's probably going to take the most amount of time and effort to get me back into the habit of drawing, and to get through the "WAAAH I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" phase that always comes up when I've stopped for a while, and then the angsty "BUT I DON'T HAVE MY OWN STYLE ACK ACK ACK!" I really do want to work through this, though.

I can't make any guarantee with what the pictures will look like. I'll have to do lots of practice with heads and expressions, so some may be just that, or some I may try to get all the way to finished product...I don't know. So the leaving of prompts would be more out of you lovely people thinking "I'll leave prompts so Kiwi can start up with art again" rather than "I'd really like to see this done." Hopefully that's alright. And if this works, I imagine I'll be working on it for a while. Especially since I just remembered backgrounds exist. Ohboy. But nooo I'm going to post this before I start wondering why I'm doing this to myself (because I enjoy it; I just forget sometimes--for years at a time).

( A list of fandoms--alright so it's not really a list. )

I don't think there will be immediate turn-around with this since I'm sure it'll take me a while just to get my confidence up enough to get my pencil down to paper, and to start a sketch, and to keep going with one, and certainly to post anything. But I'm going to push myself to actually do it, honest.

So if you think of the prompts as a "donation to Kiwi's artistic endeavours" with no real expectations, and you'd be willing to go for that, please drop me a prompt or a few or many to watch me alternately dance a jig and hide behind the Armchair of Agony (Writer's/Artist's Insecurity)? I can't believe I used to draw every day. English class used to be so good for fandom doodles! Oh how I miss thee...

(In other news, I have to go to a Committee Meeting soon. *Wrinkles nose.* We know how much fun those are.)

I just realised that I actually have been introduced to Betty Dodson before: she wrote the foreword to Cunt: A Declaration of Independence, which I read back in...2007, maybe? Tops 2008. Ah, yes, I remember it fondly: I was doubled over in pain, damning my uterus and my biologically female body, at the same time as I was admiring it/myself with the book. I don't remember much of what was actually in the book, though (I'll partially blame cramps), so I may be due for a re-read.

( Cut for language, but not because I'm angry--rather happy, in fact. )

Anyway, now that you've heard enough about my use of pseudo-expletives and my love of certain sounds, I'll reign myself back in:

I love these moments of "it's a small feminist world out there"; they make me smile.

Posting a lot today; posting a lot about things I generally don't post about but think a lot about. Less surprised by my inclusion of "I like these words, what do you like?!" since words are a passion of mine. I'm liking it, anyway, so I guess that's what's important--even if people from my flist migrate away with a loud "pooft!" sound and leave behind a dirt cloud for me to cough on. :B At some point I will get back to "this is my life and what's happening to it/me!" [updates] and "look at the fandom stuff I've been reading/looking at!" [rec posts], but for now this is what I have to offer.

Someone mowed my lawn.

Which, granted, awesome!

What confuses me is that while I did recognise the sound of "oh hey someone on my street is mowing zir lawn, I should do that some time", I did not recognise the sound of "oh hey my lawn is being mowed."

A further puzzling matter is the fact that I am the only one in the household at the moment (beside my pug, who I would not put to the task of mowing the lawn lest he mow the mudroom instead).

So, a mystery person has mowed my lawn in the absence of my family members or of any personal effort from yours truly.

The conclusion of which is still "awesome!" with a little bit of "huh?" and the ultimate deductive conclusion that one of my parents must have paid someone to do it (or less deductive: we have one highly-powered, industrial Brownie whom I should lure to my bedroom with honey) and that it all occurred without my knowledge.

Oblivious Kiwi is oblivious.

I am setting out to watch all of the "Tuesdays with Nina" videos, because I love her, what she talks about, and how she talks about it!

If any further proof to why I love Nina is required, I just watched the First "Tuesdays with Nina" video and it was wonderful. I loved the way she talked about consentual sex and clarified that having sex to cause pain is about having sex to deceive/lie/emotionally harm/hurt someone (or which leads to dishonesty that does), rather than BDSM. BDSM = yay! Hurting people intentionally and without consent = boooo.

I'll be watching more of those, definitely.

But first I'll be doing laundry, because life is always pesky and gets in the way of things.

(So I guess I'll be talking about sex and sex education more freely now, the same as I will now freely admit that I've got fuzzy pits and legs? I suppose if that's a problem then it's a problem, and we can sort it out. But sometimes I just have to give myself the freedom to say "this is my journal" and not worry about other people, even if I hate the idea of "driving people off". I suppose, then, we can talk about it? Also, I know myself to be considerate enough to never just have Random Naked People pop up in my journal without adequate warnings, and I don't see myself posting actual pornographic videos/images [although perhaps links, especially to fanart, since I'm still in fandom], and I think I'm versed enough in triggers to know what to put behind cuts; hopefully trust in that will be enough.)

I also totally forgot to mention that watching erotic videos makes me want to write more, which is a Good Thing. Yay smut!

I think it's time for another "Kiwi Comes Out" post, because while I'm always out out out with my raging (not-super-active) gayness, I'm not always out with other stuff. I tend to think that, when people are able and willing and find supportive communities, they should be able to (and encouraged to) come out with the stuff that may be a bit tricky or requier courage but can be a great act for bonding, solidarity, education, and all sorts of great stuff. Since I've always been the (or one of the) rainbow-garbed, outspokenly-supportive dude(s) of the group when it comes to just about anything--gayness, feminism, sex-positivity, polyamory, sexual expression and fantasies, body hair, whatever--I wanted to continue that online.

I'm going to try not to make this post super long since I have an Accountability Partner (Clover) for room-cleaning and we have both promised to clean our rooms by Friday (tomorrow) and keep each other accountable. Although Clover will know what has distracted me. :B [Post-writing comment: I failed. But I like the post, so tough beans, Kiwi: go clean your room.]

I am not LJ-cutting all of this post because while the actual items of the topic I discuss are NSFW, I think the discussion itself is SFW (unless you are at work and have people with hawk eyes around who will see the word "porn" from yards away). I also wouldn't say this post is blatantly sexual; there is a paragraph or two about my personal relation to porn, but I wouldn't say any of it is rated highly or would make people who know me uncomfortable. I just want to stress that. As I was writing this post, I kept in mind that I didn't want to make people uncomfortable--although I found that what I wanted to write really wasn't the sort of thing to make most people uncomfortable, I think. I also wanted to take a step back into being more open about this because I used to be, before I entered more into the LJ fandom world. I suppose I could make a filter if you all would like, but I'm not sure how often I'll write on any of this and I find filters to be a bit of a headache for me--but I'll respect requests, if a number of you don't like the idea of skipping over anything that might make you uncomfortable. I don't personally think anything here is triggering; I certainly hope not. This post is also about sex education, comfort and sexual self-esteem, some of my new sheroes, and a few other things. I guess in a way I'm trying to say "please don't just dismiss this, because it's surprisingly important to me".

Here's a first step to the coming out: Through the years, I have 'researched' porn. I don't say 'watched' porn because, really, I wasn't watching it with any sort of enjoyment; I was researching porn to find some that, please please please fingers crossed, wouldn't make me cringe and close my browser. (I also say 'researched' with quotes because it wasn't the sort of research with hypotheses, gathering data, using statistics, or drawing conclusions. People do real research on porn; at the moment I am not one of them.) Now, I'm fine with the fact that my personal preference for erotic displays is mostly written: erotica. I've been reading that (and my parents have been buying me books of that) since I was 14/15. It can be pretty great. And fanfic is free. So that's yay!

But I had to think that, with the decades of industry production and the amount around now, there had to be some things around that wouldn't make a real lesbian (or at least me) cringe. Even if it was just some small proportion of it--it'd be a small proportion of something huge, which is pretty significant. Especially given that I'm into a lot of things (something I'm aware of because sex hasn't been a Big Taboo Thing in my life). I just drew the line at terrible acting that made me doubt my own humanity, women who were clearly not into it, talon-like nails (I am less squicked by somewhat-long nails now, but real talons still make me wince), and this idea that serious=sexy so no smiling, laughter, or anything the slightest bit silly.

( Now I will go into a cut, but NOT for NSFW images or videos--one link to a fully-clothed, NSFW-discussing video. )

So there is another section of the "Kiwi Comes Out" saga. Maybe I'll see you back some time? (: Also, with this post I would love to know who has read some of all of it, just out of personal curiosity; of course I always love comments, but if you have read and wouldn't find yourself normally leaving a comment, could you leave something simple like a heart (♥) or an X? (They wouldn't mean anything particular, I promise, I just know that some people don't like leaving one or the other! :Þ)

I think it would be hilarious if my animagus would have been a Diricawl, known to muggles as the Dodo. They're very kiwi-like birds. And how wonderful it would be to know that the creatures of my inner animal proved to be part of the Muggle conservation movement in raising "awareness of the consequences in slaying their fellow creatures indiscriminately."

I'm not even sure how I just got here. One second I was writing up prompts and the next I was looking up the creatures of Harry Potter, though the prompts included none. Then I was at Merpeople and suddenly I had the start to a ridiculous Albus-Dumbledore-speaks-Mermish fanfic with a feminist Merwoman--a fic that will nonetheless go nowhere?

I have no explanations for myself. But I'm going back to reading about the creatures of Harry Potter...

(OH! I looked up the Black Lake! And then of course I had to click on the Giant Squid, and then there were other links to click, and...tabs are dangerous.)

1) My Clover plans ended up getting re-cancelled. I was more upset on her behalf, though, because it was due to surprise!work and then getting ripped a new one by her mother (for very little reason, from my outside and non-mother perspective).

2) Kid-sitting was easy-peasy. Then, the kid was 14. We went to hers, ate pizza, watched Glee (and commented on all the characters, including agreement over Santana looking damn fine in a suit and Brittney being an amazing dancer), read, and Interneted.

3) For the above--which constituted two-and-something hours--I got $33, holy heck. And she wants me back for two more evenings. Uhm, yes!

4) They also have three lovely cats: a little ginger miss who is soft and comes up for cuddles; a big black fellow who purrs as soon as anyone comes by despite all the pain he's in with an autoimmune disease with his gums; and a standoffish grey tabby-cat mistress who is nonetheless nice and spends much of her time gazing out windows (she may have reminded me of someone).

5) I've been reading more lately, especially non-fiction, and lots of it is connecting up--especially since I'm reading stuff that makes mention of historical lesbian/liberal organisations. I love hearing/seeing mention of things I've previously come across; it makes everything feel connected and woven together. It reminds me of the feeling of learning I had during university, which is a thrilling feeling, so I think I want to keep this up.

6) As part of it I started up a silly little reading journal for myself since I have a bad habit of dog-earing pages (of my own books!!!) that really interest me...and then wanting to go back. So this journal is my excuse to do so. I go back, check what interested me on the page, and put it in a post. The silly little journal is kikiweeki and I only just decided to even make mention of it, so most of it will look like my talking to myself. Because I am. I've enjoyed it so far, which means I may be tempted to get some environmentally-friendly book markers (rather than book-marks, which only mark my present place) to do the same with books that I borrow from friends, family, or the library.

7) My goodreads account is here. I know I've mentioned goodreads in this journal before, but I really encourage you all to join if you've ever had the slightest interest in having a useful and communal place to track the books you read (and keep them on different 'shelves'!) with the opportunity to post reviews and comment on others.

8) I am watching Before Stonewall. It makes me want to play all the songs on ukulele (not that I can find them) and read up All The Things on lesbian/queer history. I don't know how possible that is. But I'm starting with lesbian nuns.

Usually I'd push myself to 10, but at the moment I am perfectly fine with an 8-point list and will return to my previously scheduled film-watching. (This lazy life is lovely.)

When peroxidepirate visited, she came bearing gifts. I wanted to put pictures up! :D

( Knitted wrist cuffs. )

( Knitted pouch I use for my iPod. )

twisted_twister and jean_doe_27 also sent me two beautiful gifts: a pair of circular rainbow earrings and a wonderful gay pride pin! :D I love them both!

This post is to say that I have the most wonderful friends a tykedyke could ask for. Thank you to all three of you mentioned, and to all of the rest of you as well! ♥

As always, it seems, I am way behind on catching my LJ up with life. Things have been going on, big changes are afoot, yesterday was a rage-tastic day...and yet I totally don't have it in me to update on it all at the moment. Instead I'm going to finish up this episode of Game of Thrones, put some clothes away, and tuck myself into bed with a book so I can be fresh and alert for tomorrow: meeting with Clover in the afternoon and kidsitting an active 14-year-old into the evening.

Neeeever mind, much like this evening's plans, my plans with Clover tomorrow have been cancelled. But I'm still zonking out. Not so much with the Endless Energy lately!

But I do miss you all! (And now my plans are un-cancelled...yup, this sounds just like my life. ahhah. Spontaneity has its downfalls.)

Alright, Jennifer Lawrence, you win: I now have a celebrity crush on your adorable, hilarious, fandom-geeky self. Happy now?

Also, despite my grudge against the "Katniss braid" (side braids really are not the best choice for frequent movement, least of all on one's dominant archery side), I gave it a shot. Needs work, but if I get it right, it additionally makes a cute formal-esque braided side-bun.

I really need to work on my French/Dutch braiding again in general. Can't believe I used to do it every time I got out of the shower. Three tries in a row and my arms were KILLING me.

Some day I'll find a partner who likes braiding. Even if she's on the butch side. Little hotter than a butch who knows how to braid (and even enjoys it). Especially if she throws in head and neck massages. (I should know; I was one once upon a time.)

Now I'm just teasing my imagination. Time to go read a book. (Sure, Kiwi, that'll help.)

(Typed on a touch-pad.)

Once upon a time, when I was a tipsy!Kiwi, I sent my platonic-life-partner Cassia a text message. Less time ago, she read the text back to me and I giggled so hard that I had her send it to me so I could write it down.

I was having a self-date night with wine and candles. :B I wish I had the texts in which I described how the wine made me feel. :P

“I am only succeeding at texting you back because I have not succeeded at getting myself into bed. I am one tough lass to sass! Although it is more difficult to text with my brain feeling like a sparkly faerie disco—and with just the one glass of wine. I’m a cheap tip(sy). Maybe I can woo myself to bed with more television. I love you too! Some time we should get together and have a double date, see who can charm herself faster.”

The text sounds much more suggestive than I had meant it to sound--I was really only talking about getting myself to bed to sleep. It's such a difficult task! Cassia and I spend much of our time together napping. And flailing in our sleep. Because we do that.

Back to cleaning my 'virtual' room--my computer. I have so many posts backed up...*Shakes head at self.*

When I was in Spain, we went on a field trip to a place that had some great insects. Also a chamelon that climbed all over me; it seemd to like the colour of my jacket and hair (very tree-like).

( A video of two stag beetles fighting, voices of a Very Excited Teacher and classmates. )

( Kiwi Chameleon )

Thank you for taking this journey back in time with me. You may return to your regularly scheduled linear time-line now.

( Minerva and Dolores are unimpressed. )

I wrote the song I wanted to write before I get too involved with Pottermore. I did also pick some quick chords, but I haven't sung and recorded it for a few reasons: 1) I'm lazy; 2) it requires finding my microphone and I'm not sure if it even works well at the moment; and 3) it's allergy season, which really isn't bad on me at all, but does tend to affect me just a teensy-bit enough to throw off my voice and how I can use it.

So instead I'll just post the words to the song and maybe soon I'll let myself putz around on Pottermore.

But first I want to say a few words:

1) This is a spoof song. While it does contain some of my beliefs, they have been exaggerated; such things happen when one attempts comedy.

2) I am friends with many people from this House. I do not hold it against them, and I love them dearly, and there is nothing truly wrong with the House at all. I just have heard so much about it through the years that, for my Pottermore experience, I want to experience something else, and be Sorted based on other attributes.

3) I would have included another verse of explanation but I really only wanted one verse per House and, anyway, it's already a pretty long (but fast) song. So here we go.

( If You Sort Me )